Welcome to Author Provocateur Podcasts

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Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoy my author interviews, novel samples, and creative writing tips. 

To celebrate the Barbara Vey Reader Appreciation Weekend 2018which takes place on the weekend for Friday through Sunday, April 27—29, 2018—I interviewed some of the 50+ authors who will be attending.

THESE INTERVIEWS WILL LAUNCH SOON.

Each author has such wonderful insights on what inspires them to write—and you'll certainly enjoy what they say about their latest novels and their writing process.

Josie Brown

 

 

 

Spring Has Sprung in Totlandia

 

BOOK 7 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES


Tot7 Shadow

BUY IT TODAY!

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IF YOU'D LIKE A COMPLIMENTARY REVIEW COPY,
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL BACK TO ME AT:

mail@josiebrown.com

I am very excited about this latest novel in the Totlandia series:
#7: The Twosies – Spring. 

Spring brings new life and emotional renewal. For the five women we love (and love to hate) in the Totlandia series, this gave me the perfect opportunity to ratchet up the drama.

The sixth episodic novel ended with a wedding, but also with a relationship in peril: that of Ally and Brady. In this latest episode, you'll discover how Brady’s quest to reunite Ally with her father may be the one thing that will tear their relationship apart. 

Also, in Book 6: the last scene left Bettina with a major dilemma: In Book 7, you'll find out if she succumbed to an easy fix for her problems, or if she embraces the challenge that may lead to the financial and emotional freedom she craves.

TargetDogBest

Please let your readers know of this contest!
And YES, you're welcomed to enter as well!

At the same time, Bettina’s mysterious disappearances are adding to Lorna’s anxieties to keep the club on an even keel up until she delivers her twins. Little does she know that a cruel trick by the power-hungry Kelly will curdle Lorna’s relationship with her mother-in-law, Eleanor;

As for Jade, she is given an opportunity of a lifetime to prove herself: both as an academic researcher, and as the perfect partner for her fiancé, Reggie. But will his assistant Samantha’s attentions come between them?

You'll also find out how far Jillian will go in fighting her former mother-in-law for custody of her deceased ex-husband’s infant child.

The good news: Caleb has taken to his new role as über-dad with gusto. The bad news: it’s causing trouble in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club;

JosieAtTheOscars

Thanks, Melissa Amster, of ChickLitCentral.com,
for allowing me to write about my Oscars experience!


As always, the Totlandia series is filled with tons of moms behaving badly! Spring finds the Top Moms in full revolt! They know that their only hope of getting out from under Bettina’s thumb is to secure the files filled with their dirty little secrets, hidden deep within a sculpture to be auctioned off with the rest of her possessions. 
Let the bidding begin!

— Josie


 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spring Brings the Best Mama Drama Ever.

 

BOOK 7 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES


Tot7 Shadow

BUY IT TODAY!

 amazon-2-icon imgres copy 
unnamedkobo-blue
 

 

Dear Readers,

I am very excited about this latest novel in the Totlandia series: #7: The Twosies – Spring. 

Spring brings new life and emotional renewal. For the five women we love (and love to hate) in the Totlandia series, this gave me the perfect opportunity to ratchet up the drama.

The sixth episodic novel ended with a wedding, but also with a relationship in peril: that of Ally and Brady. In this latest episode, you'll discover how Brady’s quest to reunite Ally with her father may be the one thing that will tear their relationship apart. 

Also, in Book 6: the last scene left Bettina with a major dilemma: In Book 7, you'll find out if she succumbed to an easy fix for her problems, or if she embraces the challenge that may lead to the financial and emotional freedom she craves.

TargetDogBestAt the same time, Bettina’s mysterious disappearances are adding to Lorna’s anxieties to keep the club on an even keel up until she delivers her twins. Little does she know that a cruel trick by the power-hungry Kelly will curdle Lorna’s relationship with her mother-in-law, Eleanor;

As for Jade, she is given an opportunity of a lifetime to prove herself: both as an academic researcher, and as the perfect partner for her fiancé, Reggie. But will his assistant Samantha’s attentions come between them?

You'll also find out how far Jillian will go in fighting her former mother-in-law for custody of her deceased ex-husband’s infant child.

The good news: Caleb has taken to his new role as über-dad with gusto. The bad news: it’s causing trouble in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club;

JosieAtTheOscars
As always, the Totlandia series is filled with tons of moms behaving badly! Spring finds the Top Moms in full rev
olt! They know that their only hope of getting out from under Bettina’s thumb is to secure the files filled with their dirty little secrets, hidden deep within a sculpture to be auctioned off with the rest of her possessions. 
Let the bidding begin!

— Josie


 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Secret Santa and Funny Valentine Excerpt and Contest

SantaValentine Rules Page

READ THESE TWO EXCERPTS, AND THEN ENTER THE CONTEST!

(CONTEST ENDS SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2017, MIDNIGHT PT
SEE RULES BELOW…)

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ONLY $3.99!

IN BOOK 14 OF THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN SERIES:
Housewife assassin Donna Stone must be more than just ready for her close-up if she’s to infiltrate a television reality show in order to stop the broadcast of a live terrorist attack.

EXCERPT

Chaoxiang “Chucky” Chan joneses over three things: white-blonde blue-eyed kewpie doll pole dancers, Vancouver Canucks games (to which he has front row seats), and his $360,000 red Lamborghini Huracán.

Sadly, his car is in the shop getting some much-needed bodywork. It seems that its low-slung chassis ran over a fallen lamppost in the middle of the road. Chucky is the reason the lamppost was there in the first place. Cars seem to go bump in the night when you drink and drive while a stripper performs unmentionable acts.

Luckily, Chucky was wearing his seatbelt. However, the stripper’s bucket seat contortions left her with even more bodywork than the car’s. At least Chucky picked up her medical bills. She’ll always have a rod in her back, but the doctor assured her she’ll have a better nose than the one that got smashed when she was propelled through the windshield.

I’ve correctly guessed that Chucky would haunt Vancouver, Canada’s largest Lamborghini showroom in search of a replacement vehicle. And because my latest mission dictates that I be his replacement girlfriend, I got there a few minutes after him. To make it easy for him to see me in the role, today I wear a platinum blonde wig styled in a gamine cut. My contact lenses—really video feeds monitored by Ryan Clancy, my boss at the black-ops organization that employs me, Acme Corporation—are vivid blue. It’s also why I’m wearing a black push-up bra under my low-cut sheer white silk blouse, and a tight white mini-skirt with six-inch heels.

If you saw me, I wouldn’t blame you in the least if you thought my attire left nothing to the imagination. Bingo! That’s the point. To assure that Chucky gets it too, I sink into the passenger seat of a sleek black $1.9 million-dollar Lamborghini Centenarios roadster with my legs parted just wide enough that his imagination goes wild and his fifth appendage hardens. This is a predictable reaction since, as we circled each other in the showroom, he stared at my ass long enough to notice that there was no visible panty line.

I reward his smirk with a come-hither wink and a crooked index finger that invites him to join me.

My interest in Chucky has less to do with his bank account than that of his father’s: Huang Fu Chan just so happens to be China’s Minister of Natural Resources. During his administration, graft has boomed to new heights, thanks to too many collapsing mine shafts, and too few honest owners.

That is, until now. Chucky doesn’t know it yet, but Daddy Dearest disappeared about six hours ago. Acme’s guess is that he’s now the guest of the MSS—China’s espionage agency, the Ministry of State Security—and is being interrogated in some black site located deep in the Tian Shan Mountains. The lives of miners and the reputations of China’s current administration may be gone, but Huang Fu’s ill-gotten gains are an acceptable substitute.

Vancouver is bulging with fuerdai—superrich second generation trust-funders who, like Chucky, have no qualms spending their parents’ hard-stolen money on hot wheels and fast women, in that order.

Or is it the other way around? Not that it matters. In either case, today’s his lucky day.

When it comes to staying in his father’s good graces, Chucky’s sole responsibility is to hold onto the safety deposit box key that contains a list of the banks where Daddy has salted his cash stash. Chucky wears it on one of the silver chains around his neck, but not for long if I have my way.

Of course, at the same time, I won’t let him have his way with me.

After stealing the key, I’ll snatch the list from the safety deposit box so that Acme’s COMINT liaison, Emma Honeycutt, and our tech ops leader, Arnie Locklear, can hack the accounts. The CIA will then trade Huang Fu’s funds for a couple of Chinese-Americans who are being held as political prisoners.

After exchanging lascivious winks with me, Chucky saunters over to the car, leans in, and asks, “Want to go for a test drive?”

“Are you the salesman?” I purr. “Don’t count on me for your commission. In the club where I work, the tips aren’t that big.”

His chest puffs up. “I don’t sell ’em, I buy ’em.” To prove his point, he snaps his fingers at one of his two bodyguards. “Yo, Tong, grab the keys to this ride from the showroom manager.”

The goon shuffles off. A second later he returns with the key fob and tosses it to Chucky, who hops into the driver’s seat. Revving the engine, he asks, “Where to?”

I tweak his nipple under his skintight T-shirt. “Let’s hit the open road—say, up the coast? I know of a little cabin in the woods off the 99, right over Brunswick Beach.”

Chucky takes the requisite two-point-six seconds to prove the roadster can hit sixty miles-per-hour from zero.

We’re off.

We have a shadow: Chucky’s goon squad.

They have one too: my mission leader and main squeeze, Jack Craig. He follows in a nondescript black Lexus—a ubiquitous vehicle in well-heeled West Vancouver, and certainly not as ostentatious as the Lamborghini.

In case Jack loses us on the open road, Abu Nagashahi, another Acme operative, is several miles in front of us, in a white paneled van. Thankfully, the sluggish mid-day traffic over Lion’s Gate Bridge affords both cars excellent visual surveillance.

The whole time, Chucky won’t shut up. He rambles on and on about his assets and holdings, as if I’m a banker who can grant him a mortgage. No, it’s more like he’s got something to prove to a woman who isn’t acting at all impressed.

The babbling is to be expected. At every red light, he takes a hit of the cocaine in the vial dangling from the longest silver chain around his neck. It’s next to the one that holds the coveted safety deposit box key. Now and then I’m rewarded with a glimpse of it. I ache to jerk it off his neck and then shove him out the door into oncoming traffic, solving our problem in a quick and dirty way. But, no, I must follow Acme’s much more discrete plan for Chucky.

Traffic loosens up when we hit Highway 99 on the West Vancouver side of the bridge. Suddenly Chucky is doing his best to break the sound barrier—or at least achieve the speed claimed in the Lamborghini’s spec sheet: two-hundred-and-seventeen miles-per-hour.

Ten or so miles zip by us. In a flash, we’re as far north as Horseshoe Bay, where 99 becomes the appropriately named Sea-to-Sky Highway because of the way it clings to the cliff that winds its way around Howe Sound.

Can Jack keep up? I look in the side-view mirror to reassure myself that he can. Yes, he’s there, about a hundred yards behind us. Unfortunately, so are Tong and his buddy.

Suddenly, Chucky realizes I’m not paying attention to his boasts. Worse yet, I’m slapping away his groping hands. His eyes narrow as he blurts out, “Hey, um…how ’bout giving me some head?”

I snort. “What…are you kidding? So that I end up with a broken nose, like your last girlfriend?”

He looks over sharply, completely ignoring the fact that we’re weaving to and fro on hairpin curves. “Who told you that?”

I shrug. “Dude, it’s all over town. Sorry, but if I’m going to distract you, it’s going to be someplace we can both enjoy it”—I nod at the car with his bodyguards, now right on our heels—“but not with your cheering squad tagging along. What’s with the chaperones?”

“Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said, bee-hatch?” He takes his eyes off the road to lean in close. “I’m a very important guy! They come along to protect me.” He puts his hand between my thighs. “Look, sweet cheeks, if you make me happy, I’ll make you happy—”

He grabs me by my neck and shoves my head into his lap.

He figures out quickly that it was poor judgment on his part when I bite him—hard—on his thigh.

Chucky’s howl is cut off by the sound of glass breaking. A barrage of bullets shatters the rear window.

I duck onto the floor of the passenger seat.

Instinctively, Chucky looks behind us. As bullets hit his head, it explodes, sending skull fragments and brain matter in all directions.

When his body jerks in my direction, I see that his right eye is dangling from his optic nerve. His seatbelt holds him in place, but his foot has stiffened onto the accelerator.

I scream, “What the hell?”

Jack yells into my earbud, “Chucky’s bodyguards are shooting at the car!”

“Driver down!” I shout back.

The car is now racing along out of control. To take the wheel, I lean over his body and jerk it out of its counter-clockwise trajectory—

And off the road we go.

(c) 2016 Josie Brown. All rights reserved. This work is protected under copyright laws and reproduction is strictly prohibited. Permission to reproduce the material in any manner or medium must be secured from the publisher, Signal Press. (info@signaleditorial.com)

 

TO ENTER THE CONTEST, ANSWER THE QUESTION CORRECTLY:
What is the name of Chucky’s goon?

 

If you want, answer the TOTLANDIA question as well, and then

 ClickHereToEnter

____________________________________

 

 
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ONLY $2.99
IN BOOK 6 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:

Winter’s chill isn’t just in the air. It also runs through the veins of all the women in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club…

 EXCERPT

8:49 a.m.

Bettina Connaught Cross abhorred tardiness in any form, especially as it pertained to gatherings of the organization she’d founded: the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club.

The fact that she was already six minutes late to a very important meeting of the club’s Top Moms committee had her seething. Granted, her excuse was valid enough: she first had to walk her daughter, Lily, to kindergarten at the local public school, Lincoln Elementary.

They walked swiftly because the school was in the opposite direction from the Golden Gate Valley Library, where the meeting was taking place. Bettina would have given anything to have driven instead. But, because her deadbeat soon-to-be-ex-husband had embezzled from his financial clients and then skipped town, her car, along with all of their joint assets, had been seized by Federal agents. Despite providing information to the Justice Department investigator assigned to the case—Daniel Warwick—everything would be auctioned off in March.

A statue that held tremendous value to her was among the items seized. Documents containing scandalous secrets were concealed in its base. Bettina was using the files to blackmail the longest-serving members of the club’s Top Moms committee. It assured their votes on the club’s business would mirror hers, as opposed to siding with her sanctimonious co-Chief Executive Mom: her sister-in-law, Lorna.

It had been almost two months since she last heard from Daniel. If she were to be honest with herself, she’d have to admit she found him attractive. Although he’d been the epitome of legal and moral decorum, she thought he’d felt something for her too.

So why hadn’t she heard from him?

Because he was just using me to get to Art, she realized.

My God, get a grip on yourself! You’re acting like a bottom.

Angrily, without thinking she muttered, “My life is all a tangle.”

Lily frowned. “‘All a tangle’? Mummy, is that the same as, ‘O, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive’?”

Bettina stopped short in order to stare at her daughter. “Where did you learn that?”

“From Professor Pudberry. It’s from an epic poem by…by…Sir Wally Somebody.”

Bettina rolled her eyes. “Sir Walter Scott wrote it. Why, pray tell, did he even mention it, since it isn’t Shakespeare?”

Lily’s nod came with a smile. “He was making a point—that it is often mistaken as a Shakespearean quote. I can see why. Weaving lies gets people into trouble in Romeo and Juliet and other Shakespeare plays.”

“Pudberry—ha!” Bettina declared, while trying hard not to frown. Now that she could no longer afford Botox injections, she was terrified at the thought of getting wrinkles and scaring her daughter.

Time for bangs, she thought miserably, a style that would do nothing for her except hide the evidence of her grief. And since she could no longer afford to go to her stylist, she’d have to cut them herself. Art’s abhorrent actions were enough to give her gray hair, but the thought of using color out of a bottle made her even angrier at her current situation—and at those who seemed to relish in her plight.

Including Reggie Pudberry.

The last time they’d seen him was after an ill-fated trip to the Ikea showroom in Emeryville. To assuage her horror at being recognized in such a downscale emporium so close to Oakland, she and Lily then stopped for lunch in Berkeley, only to run into one of the PHM&T Top Moms: Jade Pierce, who was also Reggie’s new girlfriend. From what Bettina could tell, Jade was spying on Reggie as he ate with his gorgeous teaching assistant. By shouting Jade’s name, Bettina made sure Reggie saw her too. Jade guessed rightly that Bettina was trying to embarrass her. Jade’s way to retaliate was to taunt her regarding some threat that another Top Mom, Kimberley Savitch, had made against Bettina—

Or perhaps Jade was threatening to tell Kimberley something? If so, what could that secret be?

As if reading her mind, Lily asked warily, “Is Oliver’s mommy—Mrs. Pierce—still mad at you?”

Cold dread ran through Bettina’s veins. The thought of Jade in cahoots with Kimberley had her hurrying down the street even faster, despite her very high heels. “Who, Jade? I don’t know. I guess I’ll find out today. We must hurry, Lily! I’ve got to get to the meeting!”

“Grandmother would have driven me to school—if you’d have asked her,” Lily gasped as they ran. “You should be nicer to her, Mummy. In fact, you should be nicer to everyone. Maybe they’ll finally start being nicer back to you.”

She told herself that she was too winded to answer. But in truth, for once Bettina was beginning to believe that her daughter might be right.

Not that she’d ever admit that to Lily.

“Mummy, why don’t you ride the bus there?”

Bettina blanched at the thought. “The Connaughts have never taken public transportation,” she sniffed.

“That’s what I told Uncle Matt. He laughed at me. Then he dared me to ride it with him.”

Bettina scowled. “Who does he think he is, putting you in danger like that? The minute I get home from my meeting, I’m calling him to give him a piece of my mind!”

“It wasn’t bad at all. In fact, it was fun. And it was quick. My friends at school ride it all the time. They say a bus shows up every few minutes.” She pointed west, toward the next block, Van Ness. “They catch it there. Won’t that take you just a few blocks from the library?”

Lily was right. The bus stopped near Green Street, ten blocks north. Bettina could get off there and walk three blocks to the library. The whole thing would take ten minutes, tops.

“It’s only two dollars and a quarter,” Lily insisted. A sudden insight shifted the look of misunderstanding on her face to sympathy. “Is it that you don’t have the money? It’s a shame you pack a lunch for me every day instead of giving me lunch money. Otherwise, I’d have given it back to you, Mummy. Really.”

“I have the two dollars, thank you very much,” Bettina huffed. The thought of Lily eating a public school lunch was galling enough; that her daughter would have given up her lunch money so that she could ride the bus made her heart break. Smoothing Lily’s hair, she muttered grudgingly, “I’ll…think about it.”

She’d do it, but she didn’t want Lily to know—or worse yet, for her to tell Eleanor or Matt. And certainly not Lorna. She’d never survive such embarrassment.

They reached the school door just as the final bell rang. The last students were streaming in. Lily’s teacher, Liz Vanderbilt, was just about to close the door when she spotted Lily running up to her. Bettina winced as Liz beckoned her over as well.

“I’m so happy I caught you,” Liz said with a smile. “I wanted to ask you a special favor.”

“What is it?” Bettina asked impatiently. “I running late—”

“I’ll make it quick. It seems we’ve lost our volunteer class mother. I was hoping you’d honor us and take on the task.”

“Class mother?” Bettina frowned. “I don’t know, Liz. I mean…I’ve got my hands full with the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club—”

“Oh? But…Lily mentioned you’d relinquished some of your duties there, now that Lily is in school.”

“She has,” Lily insisted. “My Aunt Lorna is now in charge.”

“No, I’m still in charge!” Bettina muttered in a low growl. “She’s just helping out.”

“Which is why you’d be perfect in the role—and the duties are simple, really,” Liz insisted. “You’ll accompany me on our one field trip every month, and encourage the other parents to participate too.”

Me—riding herd over a bunch of welfare mothers? Bettina recoiled at the thought. That will be the day! “Liz, to be honest, I really don’t think it’s a good match,” Bettina said coolly.

Liz shrugged. “Not a problem. I guessed it might have been a long shot, but Lily insisted you’d be just right for it because you’re such a renowned leader.” She held out her hand to the girl. “We had better get to class.”

Bettina bent to kiss Lily, then turned away before her daughter’s pleading gaze made her say something she’d later regret.

She waited just long enough to watch Lily and Liz walk halfway down the hall before running down the street again.

She got to the bus stop just as a bus was pulling out. The driver must have heard her shout because he stopped short.

She scurried up the bus’s steps. She fumbled in her purse until she found two one-dollar bills, but no quarters. He sighed loudly, but let her on anyway. He also handed her a slip of paper.

“What’s this?” she asked warily.

He stared at her as if she were an alien from another planet. “Bus pass. Allows you to ride any bus for the next few hours.”

She nodded and started down the aisle, but almost lost her footing as the bus lurched forward. Every seat was taken, so she held onto an overhead strap.

Noting her pregnancy, a man stood up to offer her his seat. She nodded gratefully and sat down—

But a quick sniff made her realize why the man’s decision wasn’t chivalrous at all. Her seatmate, an older gentleman, probably hadn’t bathed in a week or more. The old man, toothless, smiled at her. Then he lifted a flask from his tattered jacket and took a swig.

Oh, my God, Bettina thought, by the time I get to Green I’ll smell like a brewery!

Realizing that Bettina was staring at him, the man winked and nudged her with the flask. “Wanna drink?”

“Thank you, but I’ll pass,” she muttered, then held her breath to avoid the stench of booze and his body odor.

Bettina’s timing was perfect. A second later, the man let loose with a long, loud fart.

Bettina sat straight up, mortified. To her surprise, no one else on the bus had any reaction at all. They were too busy scrutinizing their cell phones. Are these people inhuman? Where is their sense of decorum? For that matter, where is their sense of smell? I must be in Purgatory!

“Was that me, or you?” The old man’s question to Bettina was loud enough that even the bus driver could hear him, all the way in the front.

The teens in the seat in front of them snickered as they exchanged glances.

“I won’t even dignify that with an answer,” Bettina hissed back.

The old man looked down into his lap. “Did you hear that, Jolly Roger? She thinks she’s better than us.”

Bettina mustered the courage to see what the man was talking to—hopefully, not something that should have been zipped up—and if so, then certainly snipped off for horrifying anyone with whom he came into contact.

To her relief, it wasn’t any part of his anatomy. To her horror, it was a large brown rat.

Her shrill scream sent the rat scurrying off. Bettina leapt up so quickly that she turned over her purse. She grabbed her belongings as quickly as she could before heading toward the front of the bus.

The rest of the ride seemed interminable. If passengers weren’t ringing for stops at every corner, the driver would still somehow miss the next traffic light.

Finally, they reached her stop. She leapt off and practically ran the three blocks to the library, all the while gulping in fresh air to offset the stench of her seatmate. If only it could whisk away the memory of him as well.

She thought she’d pass out before making it to the library’s side door, but she didn’t. I survived, she reasoned. With shoulders straightened and her head held high, she took a deep breath and walked through the door—

Until she smelled it.

Really, not it, but her. She smelled just like the rancid old man.

Just at that moment, all heads turned to her. It was too late to turn back.

She thought, God, I hate being poor! That will have to change.

The sooner the better.

(c) 2016 Josie Brown. All rights reserved. This work is protected under copyright laws and reproduction is strictly prohibited. Permission to reproduce the material in any manner or medium must be secured from the publisher, Signal Press. (info@signaleditorial.com)

 

TO ENTER THE CONTEST, ANSWER THE QUESTION CORRECTLY:
What is the name of the old man’s rat?

If you want, answer the question to
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S TERRORIST TV GUIDE as well, and then

 ClickHereToEnter

 
AND DON'T FORGET TO DRAG AND DROP THIS $5 OFF COUPON ONTO YOUR COMPUTER NOW!
 
THEN SEND IT TO YOUR MOBILE PHONE SO THAT YOU CAN
SHOW IT TO JOSIE AT BOOK SIGNING!
 
Good for any and all of Josie Brown's print books purchased at the 
2017 BARBARA VEY READER APPRECIATION WEEKEND!
 
Book Signing takes place Saturday, April 29, 2017, 3:30-4:30pm, 
Mitchell Room, Clarion Airport Hotel, 5311 S. Howell Ave, South Milwaukee, WI 

 
 
 
 
CONTEST RULES

1. No purchase necessary.

However, to be entered, you must CORRECTLY answer the question based on the excerpts of either of these two books:

For THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN”S TERRORIST TV GUIDE: What is the name of Chucky’s goon?

FOR TOTLANDIA 6: (WINTER, THE TWOSIES): What is the name of the old man’s rat?

 
If the questions are answered INCORRECTLY, your name will NOT appear below. However, feel free to try again.
 

2. The above-mentioned prize will be awarded to one entrant noted in the Potential Winners List seen below.

3. Only one entry per household. Forgotten if you’ve entered? Check the list below…

4. YES, you can gain bonus points! All you have to do is provide links for any reviews you’ve given for ANY of the Housewife Assassin or Totlandia books, in such online bookstores as Amazon, BN, iBooks, and GoodReads. Each and every book you’ve reviewed — previously or during this contest — will count toward a bonus point.

5. This contest is open worldwide.

6. Contest ends Midnight Pacific Time, Sunday, February 26, 2017.

7. All correct entries will be placed in a random drawing, to take place within 72 hours of the contest’s close. (If you DON’T find your name on the list, your answer may be wrong. Feel free to try again.)

8. The winning entry will be chosen from the drawing, and contacted within forty-eight hours of the drawing. Agreement to accept the prize will be given by winners before publicly announced, and updated here.  If you haven’t accepted the prize within 72 hours, another email will be sent to you reminding you of your prize. You’ll have 24 hours to accept it. Otherwise, we  will release it to another randomly drawn name.

9. All entries are put on Josie’s permanent mailing list, so that you’re informed of her next books and contests. Of course, you can opt out at any time.

 

 

POTENTIAL WINNERS

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Gayle M +6

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LL

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VG Wheeler

My Research Notes for THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN’S GARDEN OF DEADLY DELIGHTS

HA10 GGDResearch for This Book
 
When plotting my novels, I ask myself the question, “Can this happen? Is it plausible?” 
 
Even the plotting of a light mystery starts with copious research, especially when the topic pertains to bioterrorism, biogenetics, and an industry as complex as agriculture. In my case, advance research for The Housewife Assassin’s Garden of Deadly Delights began with conversations with professionals in particular fields, as well as articles in professional journals and established newspapers.  
 
Here are some interesting facts that are stranger than fiction:
 
1. Can plants carry a virus harmful to humans?
 
Yes. Ebola is a perfect example. Fatalities from this filovirus can run anywhere from fifty to ninety percent. Deaths can happen within a week. The Marburg, Lassa and Machupo viruses can be harmful, and in some cases fatal. As of the time I write this, there are no vaccines for these viruses.
 
2. Can a virus cause cancer?
 
Yes. In the course of researching plot points for this novel, I stumbled upon a plant virus known as cytomegalovirus, or CMV, which causes a particularly aggressive form of brain cancer in humans, in conjunction with the patients' genetic markers. CMV is quick acting, and deadly. Whereas there is no vaccine as of yet, the Brain Tumor Society and the NIH are funding a study at Duke University in the hope of developing one.
 

4. Will swine eat humans?

Yes, there is a precedent. Recent incidents include a case in which an Italian mobster boasted of a rival’s death-by-swine on a phone call intercepted by local police. Another sad incident was that of a seventy-year-old Oregon farmer whose only remains were his dentures. Another incident took place in Romania, where a farmer’s wife was knocked unconscious and was  being devoured when her husband found her and pulled her out of the pig pen. She died in the hospital. (See the article links, below.)

 
4. As for whether cows attack humans…
 
A six-year four-state study proves it sometimes happens. In my scenario, I had the consumption of corn tainted with a virus that leads to brain cancer as further motivation.
 
5. Can a person get killed by getting tossed under a corn harvester?

In December 2014, a Canadian farmer was a recent fatality. This syndicated article notes that he was the third such fatality—that is, via farm equipment—in the area. 

Here's an OSHA report on various farm accidents, including two that include harvesters (one corn, one tobacco). I've also noted a report on farm equipment deaths in Canada for 2014 here.

Again, I look for plausibility. This is, after all, a work of fiction.  
 
Below you'll find some if the articles referred to here.
 
—Josie
 

Swine Eating Humans

Yes, there is a precedent. Recent incidents include a case in which an Italian mobster boasted of a rival’s death-by-swine on a phone call intercepted by local police. Another sad incident was that of a seventy-year-old Oregon farmer who only remains were his dentures. Another incident took place in Romania, where a farmer’s wife was knocked unconscious and was  being devoured when her husband found her and pulled her out of the pig pen. She died in the hospital. 

Were the hogs starving when they encountered these people? Was foul play involved? In the last two scenarios, unless we were there, we will never know.
 
Still, these deaths makes my plot plausible, especially when I’ve added the tainted grain scenario that affects the brain of those animals who ate the corn. 
 
 

Italian Mobster Sleeps with the Pigs

Published on Nov 29, 2013 /ITN News / Ashley Fudge

Police made a particularly grim discovery in Italy after they realised a mobster boss had been eaten by pigs. The details were uncovered when officers intercepted a phone call from a man who boasted about being one of the killers. While listening in, they heard the man admit how much he enjoyed hearing Francesco Raccosta's screams. ‘Operazione Erinni' has been investigating the mafia in southern Italy and a long-running feud between the Bonarrigo-Mazzagatti-Polimeni and Ferraro-Raccosta syndicate. Police said the murder of Raccosta demonstrated the “utmost ruthlessness and cruelty” of the mafia clans.”

 

Oregon Farmer's Grisly Death by Swine

Slate.com / October 2012 / Brian Palmer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKRv1LLk39k

An Oregon farmer was eaten by his hogs on Wednesday. The 70-year-old Vietnam veteran had gone to feed the animals in the morning, and his family found his dentures and scattered remains in the hog pen several hours later. Authorities are trying to determine whether the pigs deliberately killed the man. 

Yes. Cattle kill approximately 22 Americans per year nationwide, and the animals deliberately attack their victims in 75 percent of those cases, according to a 2009 study. About one-third of bovine killers have a history of aggressive behavior. Swine likely kill fewer people than cattle do, but there are no reliable data on this question. The CDC’s mortality statistics group together all mammal attacks apart from those perpetrated by rodents, dogs, and humans. The death count in the mammal-attack category averages about 73 per year, including cattle-related mortalities.

There are, however, plenty of anecdotes suggesting that swine are willing and able to kill humans. British pigs seem to have a particularly aggressive streak. In 2006, a 650-pound swine pinned a Welsh farmer to a tractor and bit him until the victim’s wife scared the attacker off with a water hose. The same year, a pig foraging in England’s New Forest—a hunting ground where farmers pasture their swine—caused a horse to throw its rider, then mauled the prone woman.

Livestock display an alarming ability to coordinate their attacks. A herd of cattle circles up to confront a perceived threat, with their backsides in the center of the circle and their heads lowered. They may even paw the ground, like a bull facing a matador. Of the 21 cattle-related fatalities in the Plains states between 2003 and 2008, five involved multiple animals swarming the farmer. Pigs are also known to attack cooperatively. In 2007, a sow in Norfolk, England knocked a farmer off his feet, enabling the other pigs to bite the man.

If confronted by an agitated pig or cow, back away and get behind a barrier such as a tree. It also helps to carry a large stick as a weapon and to make yourself appear larger.

October 2, 2012 / New York Daily News, Erik Oritz

A family member of an Oregon pig farmer discovered his relative's body parts scattered across the pen — a gruesome find leaving authorities to believe it was a case of hog eats human.

A pathologist couldn’t immediately determine whether the pigs were the actual cause of 70-year-old Terry Garner’s death, but a forensic expert at the University of Oregon will conduct further tests, CBS affiliate KCBY reported Monday.

“What a way,” someone who answered the phone at Garner’s home told NBC News.

Investigators aren’t ruling out the possibility another person could have been involved.

“Due to the unusual circumstances, the Sheriff’s Office is investigating to determine if foul play may have resulted in the death of Mr. Garner,” District Attorney Paul Frasier told KCBY.

Garner was at his farm near rural Riverton last Wednesday, when a family member went looking for him, according to The Register-Guard.

Garner’s dentures were first spotted inside the hog enclosure, and then other random body parts were located — although most of him had already been devoured, the newspaper added.

The Coos County Sheriff’s Office has a couple of theories on what occurred: Garner could have suffered a medical emergency, such as a heart attack, leaving him in “a position where the hogs could consume him,” according to a statement.

In another scenario, the swine — weighing about 700 pounds each — may have knocked Garner down, overwhelming him before killing him, authorities said.

It’s unclear exactly how many pigs live on the farm, but police believe one of them had been aggressive toward Garner before.

Pigs are omnivorous, and have previously been known to feast on people.

The 56-year-old wife of a pig farmer in Romania was knocked unconscious and eaten in the animals’ sty, UPI reported in 2004.

Her ears, half her face and fingers had been ripped off, a doctor said.

 

Romanian Farmer's Wife Life and Limbs

March 5, 2004 /  UPI

BRASOV, Romania, March 5 (UPI) — A small farming town in Romania is reeling Friday after learning angry pigs knocked a farmer's wife unconscious and began eating her.

The Sun of London reported Irma Molnar, 56, somehow fell into the animals' sty in Brasov, and likely frightened them badly.

Her husband, Sandor, found her badly maimed and rushed her to a local hospital where she died.

“Her ears and half her face were missing. Her fingers had also been bitten off,” said Dr. Dan Grigorescue.

Her husband was sedated and vowed to destroy the pigs.

“I'll never breed such beasts again,” he said.

ON THE SAME STORY:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKRv1LLk39k

____________________________

As for whether cows attack Humans…

This four-state study proves it sometimes happens. In my scenario, I add the motivation of consumption of corn tainted with a virus that leads to brain cancer:

____________________________

3. Can a person get killed by getting tossed under a corn harvester?

In December 2014, a Canadian farmer was a recent fatality. This syndicated article notes that he was the third such fatality—that is, via farm equipment—in the area:

Dec 3, 2014 / QMI AGENCY / Toronto Sun

LONDON, Ont. — A 46-year-old man was killed after becoming trapped in a corn harvester early Tuesday.

Brian McConnell, of Bruce County, Ont., is the third farmer to die in farm machinery this harvest season in southwestern Ontario.

In a statement, police warn farmers to “work within their limits and always ensure they keep personal safety in mind.”

The labour ministry, the coroner's office and Ontario Provincial Police are all investigating McConnell's death.

 

 

 

 

My Research Notes for The Housewife Assassin’s Terrorist TV Guide

HAH 14 Terrorist TV Guide Final - 1400W
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN’S TERRORIST TV GUIDE (Book 14)
Signal Press
eBook: 9781942052609
Trade Paperback: 9781942052777
Hardcover:

amazon-2-icon imgres copy  unnamed  kobo-blue

 

As with all my novels, The Housewife Assassin’s Terrorist TV Guide began with an alluring “what if” premise. Mine came when researching improvised explosive devices—also known as IEDs.

Made to go undetected, IEDs are used as roadside bombs in military theaters of operation. Others are hidden by terrorists in public places. Tragically, not only do these bomb attacks kill the perpetrator’s enemy, they also claim the lives of innocent victims, often in areas of the world already devastated by war.

That said, the particular article that drew my attention appeared in the UK Mirror. It’s title:

Breast Bombers: Doctors Trained to Plant Explosives Inside Chests of Female Suicide Bombers

This very brief feature claimed the United Kingdom’s intelligence agency, MI6, as its source. It also quoted a briefing paper from the United States’ National Security Agency.

Further research brought me to a BBC article on the same subject.

It sounded plausible. But, is it possible?

As of the publication date of this book, there have been several known cases of body cavity bombs—that is to say, bombs embedded or inserted into willing humans and (I presume, unwilling) animals.

As of this day, there have been no known reports of successful breast implanted bombs.

Ah, but, just the thought of such an audacious plan was a perfect story device for the Housewife Assassin series.

Thus, my plot challenge:

How could a jihadist cell make the most of its opportunity to terrorize Americans?

Right then and there, the idea of having this ominous act take place on television was born.

To make the scenario more enticing, the terrorist would seek out a show with a viewing audience that watched a live broadcast. And ideally, the show would have a device to create ongoing audience interest and support for its cast. For these reasons, I made it an unscripted reality program that chose everyday families that the audience could root for, or boo. (We all know a Penelope Bing, am I right?)

This would also give the terrorist a shot to infiltrate the show.

And yes, so could Donna and Jack.

Of course, bringing back Addison Montague (Book 7: The Housewife Assassin’s Hollywood Scream Play) as the show’s producer gave them a leg up—or so they hoped.

Now, couple this with the means to kill innocent victims in the most vicious of ways—planting a device that blows them up from the inside—and the terrorists can wound the American psyche as well.

The sacrifices we are willing to make for love—of self, mission, money, fame, and more—is the overriding theme of this book. It is what drives the contestants to try out and compete for a spot on the show; and why they are manipulated into doing and saying things to their neighbors and their loved ones—not to mention millions watching at home.

Unfortunately for Donna and Jack, this time their quest to uncover the terrorists puts them in the public eye: something all spies loathe in covert operations. The fact that it turns their children’s world upside down is, of course, equally upsetting.

Each of the competing families has something in their backstory to lead you to suspect them. And by keeping the terrorists’ plan of attack a secret until the show’s last episode, Donna and Jack never know who is their real suspect—

Until you do.

I hope you enjoyed this latest Housewife Assassin tale as much as I enjoyed writing it for you.

—Josie Brown