My relationship advice to newlyweds Katy Perry and Russell Brand

Russell-brand-katy-perry-india Omigod! Who'd have thunk it? Pop tart Katy Perry and comedian Russell Brand went out and got married!

I guess my invitation got lost in the mail.

That's okay. I probably would have gotten lost on the way there, anyway. My cell phone is too old for any GPA app, let alone one that shows some Aman-i-khas resort on the edge of the Rajasthani nature reserve.

Besides, I thoroughly understand it was a small, intimate affair: just those two crazy kids, 85 of their closest friends and family, a Hindu guru,a Christian minister, two elephants named Laxmi and Mala ("Mala is a bit skittish and hates crowds but she managed to behave herself," a source told PEOPLE), a fortune-telling parrot–

Oh yeah: and a tiger that, supposedly, has already killed three people.

I still have a wedding gift for them: a few ground rules for ensuring that their union will be one that lasts forever. Usually I'd give it to them face-to-face (you know, these things are personal) but since I wasn't invited on the honeymoon either, they'll have to read it here:

  • 1. Never go to bed angry. Talk things out first. Then do go to bed. Together. And without the parrot.
  • 2. Don't flirt with others. For Katy, that means no more kissing girls. For Russell, that means no more kissing every other girl, as he learned in sex addiction rehab. For both of them, that means no more kissing the mirror.
  • 3. Don't let your differences get in the way of a good thing. You came from such dissimilar backgrounds. With that comes some heavy baggage. Don't empty it on your spouse when you get scared that things aren't as perfect as you had hoped they'd be.
  • 4. Don't buy into the gossip. Professionally, you are both on top now. That says something about your strength of fortitude, and your ability to achieve your goals. Well, a happy marriage is a goal, too. Don't let the crap you read in the tabloids put it in a tailspin. Just keep trusting and talking.
  • 5. Don't let others get between you. This means fans, publicists, agents, managers and anyone else who wants you to believe that what you have together isn't anything more than a publicity stunt. Prove them all wrong. If not for yourselves, then for the rest of us.

 I've got a premonition about these things: this one's gonna last.

But if it doesn't, I presume I'll be invited to Katy's divorce party. If so, my gift to her will be a little more expansive, and, I'm sure, much appreciated: a copy of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Finding Mr. Right. 

To use Russell's parlance, it's my very own booky wook.

 Tah dah,


(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY!

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading." –Jackie Collins, Hollywood Wives



Toy Story 3: Had a ball, bawled like a baby.

Toy-story-3-20080409024802743_640w I saw TOY STORY 3 — and yes, I cried like a baby, even before the good-bye scene at the end.

Martin and I went together to see it. Our kids wouldn't go with us. At this stage of their lives, they'd rather see GROWN-UPS.

Some day they'll grow up, for real. That day happens when they realize that the best movies make you laugh (for all the right reasons — and those reasons aren't potty jokes) and cry.

I love Pixar. They get it right every time. That is the one studio — animation or live action — that understands that the best movies are story-driven. Sure, you're wow'ed by the great animation, which is both colorful and realistic. But what you remember are the characters, and their wonderful dialogue. (Hamm the Pig: "Come on, let's see how much we're going for, on eBay!")

The first TOY STORY movie came out 15 years ago. Hard to believe, isn't it? I remember taking our kids to see it — and being awed by it. Again, by colorful characters who were well-drawn — and by that, I don't just mean by the way in which they lit up the screen, but how they stayed in our hearts. Buzz Lightyear, voiced by Tim Allen, the pompous hero with a heart of gold; the always hysterical Mrs. Potato Head (yes, that's George's mom in SEINFELD, Estelle Harris) and her gruff hubby, Mr. Potato Head (Don Rickles, who, frankly, is toned down: for the kiddies, if not for the adults in the audience).

And then there's Tom Hank's Woody. Director John Lasseter got that one so right from the very first film in this trilogy, since Hanks will always be this generation's voice of an American hero.

And aren't our toys our heroes? 

Mine were Chatty Cathy, my bubble-hair-do'ed Barbie, and a purple stuffed bunny who went by the name of (you guessed it) Bunny. Not a day goes by that I don't miss Chatty. She was my BFF, my confidante, the gal pal I went to when I needed a pity party. But when her voice box quit working, she went to the Doll Hospital–

And never came back.

I'd like to think it's just the attic of my mom's house, but, alas, I'm guessing that Doll Hospital looks something like the odious incinerator in TS3.

Bunny is still with me, snuggled with the stuffed animals the kids have discarded. I'm holding all of them for some future generation of grand kids.

As for Bubble Hair-Do'ed Barbie…..gee I wonder how much she'd fetch on eBay?

I feel sorry for the classically pretty. Seems that people only admire them for their looks, not their souls.

And if TOY STORY has taught us just one thing, it's that our toys do have souls.


  Josie's Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives


Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY!

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading."

Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives

Judging a Book by Its Cover: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

PosterSee that messy desk?

Ooops! Let me start again…

See that colorful poster over the messy desk? The one of the eye-catching book cover?

That book cover is mine.

It belongs to the novel you'll soon see in bookstores–June 1, 2010, to be exact–all over the country.

It will also be inside Target, which makes me very proud, because I feel that the story–about a marriage disintegrating, and what others who are close to it project their own fears into it–would relate to many of us who shop there.

This cover was blown up to a size that is close to 2 feet by 3 feet. Since a book's cover is the first consideration for a book lover's impulse buy, unfortunately for me (but fortunately for you, since, hopefully, you'll be lugging it to the beach with you I hope I hope) it won't be that big when see it in the store.

When you see it, will you pick it up?

My publishing house, Simon & Schuster, is betting that you will. And since they're the horse that I"m riding in on, here's hoping they're right. They created a cover that implies people in a very public neighborhood setting, in close proximity–husbands, wives, lovers and other strangers–and yet they are aloof. As Woody Allen would say, "friendly, but not familiar."

And that's the crux of the story: does, as the adage goes, familiarity breed contempt? Does it kill passion?

Do we fall out of love when we reach the point that we know too much? If our partner's actions are mundane, are we boring, too, for putting up with it?

In this book, the divorce of a community's "perfect couple" sets off a rash of soul-searching for those who are on the outside looking in. These neighbors reason: if it can happen to them, how about me?

The only one who doesn't want to consider this is my heroine, Lyssa. She gets close enough to witness the destruction, and feels immune to the arrows of outrageous partners behaving badly–

Maybe because it hits too close to her own marriage.

Which brings me back to my cover. On the bench (which wraps around the whole book) are these four people. The middle two are in each others' arms, but what are they thinking about? Are the other two who share the bench with them strangers, or acquaintances?

The cover lends itself to the darker side of the story, although there is a lot of humor as well. (That's just the way I write.) Divorce is not murder or mass destruction, but it is still the death of trust and love; it is the destruction of a union that held hope.

What does it say to you? I'd love to hear your comments. 

At first I didn't like it. I wanted something softer. In time, though, I
grew to appreciate its edginess. And in person, the colors are rich,
which make it eye-popping as well. 

A note: for those of you who presume that authors get to choose their book covers, think again. Maybe if your first name is Dan, or your last name is Grisham you do, but for the rest of us, when it comes to a book contract, you may get "consideration" — in other words, they may take your opinion as to what you'd like to see on the cover — but the publisher has final say. His/Her decision takes into account the reaction from the sales team, which is out in the field pitching it to their accounts (who, by the way, swing a big stick, too, when it comes to covers).

From concept to cover,


Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in
bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money
and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled
observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly
entertaining reading."

, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Pre-order

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And the Horse She Rode In On…

(Posted 10:33 PM PST, May 27, 2006)

Joan Cusack.

Of course, my all time fave Joan jest is the one she muttered in
WORKING GIRL: "Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my
underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna. Never will."


And if her book (SEX)
and previous tours are proof positive that the Divine Miss Madge
doesn't keep it confined to the house, we now have the latest issue of W to remind us why there is one and only one Madonna (okay, two; but only one who trounces around in her underwear).

Best yet, it shows us why being  30/10 + ain't as scary as some would imagine.

The cover shot of Madonna, trussed up inequestrian garb, is coy in comparison to the other 58 (count'em, 58!)
pages within W's glossy folds. Despite having been bucked off the back
of her little pony, Madonna is making it clear to us that she has
bounced back, both literally and figuratively, in true fashionista
form: fishnets, black chiffon, a leather bikini, and a new tour built
around her resolve to get back on the (ahem) horse.

Truly cute, but personally, I couldn't see manuvering through the
hay and horse shite in such get(ti)up. Then again, each of us has her
own way of dealing with her demons. Besides, an outfit like that (on a
body like hers) has been known to leave men salivating  and
subservient, so maybe it will work on Mr. Ed, too.

My bet is on Madonna. I'll even take 5-to-1 odds.

Sittin' tall in the saddle,


You can email me at:

Hey, and read my blog on 

And definitely check out my website, and read about my books:


Barry Eisler has
come out with the newest in his John Rain series. this one is called
THE LAST ASSASSIN, and hits the shelves on Thursday, June 1, 2006. In
fact, if you're in the San Francisco Bay Area, Barry' is launching the
book on Thursday, June 1, at 7:30 pm, at:

LastassassinKepler's Books & Magazines
1010 El Camino Real
Menlo Park, California

In fact, Barry is going to name a character in
the next Rain book for the person who spends the most money on any
Kepler's merchandise between 9:00 am Friday, May 26 and 9:30 pm
Thursday, June 1st. So pull out your charge card, and get immortalized!
TO Check out the latest on this promotion–and, of course, on the the
assassin with a heart of hot steel, go to Barry's site: