My guess is that she’s reading Pride and Prejudice…

Keira-knightly-as-elizabeth-bennett

 

Or maybe "The Housewife Assassin's Handbook."

I'll go with the latter.

–Josie

From "Pride and Prejudice, the Musical"

Music and Lyrics by Rita Abrams; Libretto by Josie Brown

The song: 

Bingley_2#3: IT IS A TRUTH (Complete Song)
(Sung by Bingley, Darcy and Caroline)

 Darcy and Bingley banter about the pressures on single men–particularly wealthy single men–to marry.  But while Darcy is disgusted by it, Bingley's attitude is more benign–perhaps because he is already in the throes of enchantment with one of the local beauties, Jane Bennet.

 

_________________________________

 

 


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THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK
978-0-9740214-0-9

FREE! 
ORDER NOW,  from

Amazon.com (US)  / Amazon.UK 
Also in all Amazon countries!

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In all iTunes countries!

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Woman gets her jollies on a San Francisco Cable Car. One hundred lovers and a $50K settlement later…

Judy-st.-louis

l love this article, from the archives of the San Francisco Chronicle. Brings to mind one of my favorite Judy Garland classics,  "The Trolley Song," from the musical, "Meet Me in St. Louis:"

Love this lyric: "I went to lose a jolly".

I'll just bet you did,

— Josie

"Cable Car Nymph"

Excerpted from

"San Francisco's Top 10 Sex Scandals"
Kevin Fagan, San Francisco Chronicle 
Published 4:00 am, Thursday, May 28, 2009

It was supposed to be a routine trip on the Hyde Street cable car in 1964, the 29-year-old woman said. But when the car lurched and she was heaved against a pole, the collision "somehow unleashed emotions hidden deep in the dark closet of her mind," The Chronicle reported – and thus was born "The cable car nymphomaniac" who took a trip on the "Cable Car Named Desire."

The woman sued Muni for $500,000 six years later, saying her injuries had triggered an insatiable sexual desire that drove her to take 100 lovers, leaving her perpetually unsatisfied. Reporters left her name out of news accounts, to protect her privacy, referring to her instead by her nickname, or as "the buxom blonde" from Michigan.

She was awarded $50,000 by a jury, whose members said they hoped she would use it for counseling.

(c) 2009 San Francisco Chronicle

 

 

With my high starched collar

And my high topped shoes

And my hair

Piled high upon my head

I went to lose a jolly

Hour on the Trolley

And lost my heart instead

 

With his light brown derby

And his bright green tie

He was quite

The handsomest of men

I started to yen

So I counted to ten

Then I counted to ten again

 

Clang, clang, clang went the trolley

Ding, ding, ding went the bell

Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings

From the moment I saw him I fell

Chug, chug, chug went the motor

Bump, bump, bump went the brake

Thump, thump, thump went my heartstrings

When he smiled I could feel the car shake

He tipped his hat

And took a seat

He said he hoped he hadn't

Stepped upon my feet

He asked my name

I held my breath

I couldn't speak because

He scared me half to death

 

Buzz, buzz, buzz went the buzzer

Plop, plop, plop went the wheels

Stop, stop, stop went my heartstrings

As he started to go

Then I started to know

How it feels

When the universe reels

The day was bright

The air was sweet

The smell of honeysuckle

Charmed you off your feet

You tried to sing

But couldn't squeak

In fact, you loved him

So you couldn't even speak

 

Buzz, buzz, buzz went the buzzer

Plop, plop, plop went the wheels

Stop, stop, stop went my heartstrings

As he started to leave

I took hold of his sleeve

With my handAnd as if it were planned

He stay on with me

And it was grand just to stand

With his hand holding mine

Till the end of the line

 

Clang, clang, clang went the trolley

Zing, zing, zing went my heart

 

Songwriters: HUGH MARTIN/BLANE, RALPH

Published byLyrics © EMI Music Publishing

 

 

Are you kissable? That depends. Are you Iron Man?

 


Pepperony_

 

So Zoosk.com, a top online dating service, surveyed more than 3,500 singles to reveal pop culture’s most memorable kisses.

And your name didn't make the list.

Just kidding. Okay, here are some of the results:

The most memorable on-screen smooches of summer 2013 are…

  1. 41% of Americans say Tony and Pepper’s lip lock in “Iron Man 3” was the most memorable kiss among this summer’s blockbuster flicks.
  2. 23% of singles say Spock and Uhura in “Star Trek Into the Darkness.”
  3. 21% of singles say Alan and Cassie in “The Hangover III” shared the most memorable kiss of this summer’s blockbuster films.

The top 3 kissing songs are…

  1.  Could I Have This Kiss Forever” by Whitney Houston & Enrique Iglesias (21%)
  2. “A Kiss From A Rose” by Seal (17%)
  3. “Blow Me One Last Kiss” by Pink (12%)

The most romantic places to kiss are…

  1. On the beach (30%)
  2. In a car (23%)
  3. In front of a roaring fireplace (15%)
  4. On a carriage ride in New York’s Central Park (14%)

Do you agree with these results? Tell me why — or why not — on my FaceBook page:

http://www.facebook.com/JosieBrownAuthor

You can watch the kiss, below. (Of course, it's always better to watch a kiss with foreign subtitles…)

— Josie

 


HAH-Hanging-Man-Oct-5-2012
 THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANBOOK
(Book 1 – Signal Press)  

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Read an excerpt…


 

Fabulous! The movie trailer for Woody Allen’s latest, “Blue Jasmine”, starring Cate Blanchett

 

I'm a total Woody Allen fan, and even had a Woody sighting myself, when he was filming his latest flick, "Blue Jasmine," here in San Francisco.

I think the trailer looks great. I love seeing all the San Francisco/Marin County shots, including a scene on the Muni F Line (the 1947 Philadelphia trolley car); several locales in Belvedere, California, across the Golden Gate Bridge; the bar, Aub ZamZam, in the Haight; Market Street; Geary Street; the Sunset District–

And of course, Ocean Beach.  

Hey, even the quaint Mount-Tam-hugging  town, Larkspur, California got into the picture.

And Cate Blanchett looks sublime, doing her "StreetCar Named Desire"-esque Blanche Dubois routine on her sister (played by British "Happy Go Lucky" wonder girl, Sally Hawkins).

It's a wonderfully updated take on that Tennessee Williams classic.

I love it that Alec Baldwin is Woody's new Every Patrician.

Definitely worth checking out, for the eye candy alone.

Because we always rely on the kindness of strangers (and no one is stranger to us than family),

–Josie

 


The-Candidate-Final4
THE CANDIDATE

Signal Press – eBook

Buy it NOW, on Amazon.com!

In all online bookstores June 15, 2013!

Seduction and intrigue are rampant on the campaign trail when a political campaign adviser discovers that Washington's power broker elite have embroiled his presidential candidate in a plot involving an act of terrorism on US soil…

SYNOPSIS

Democratic political campaign consultant Ben Brinker can’t remember the last time he was excited by a candidate’s vision. He feels he’s lost his way, both emotionally and professionally. Worst yet, his show-me-the-money policy seems to have finally caught up with him. Two of his recent clients have been disgraced in one way or another: a senator is caught in lurid sex scandal, and a congressman is indicted in a kickback scandal. In no time at all the political pundits are calling Ben a "candidate cooler." Now Ben is desperate for any campaign gig he can get.

As luck would have it, Andrew Harris Mansfield, the charismatic junior senator from North Carolina  and former Marine pilot, asks Ben if he wants to run his soon-to-be-announced campaign for president.

Little does Ben know what's in store for Andrew, or their country–

Nor does he realize that the key to saving both have been placed in his hands.

Read an excerpt here…

Enter THE CANDIDATE'S Contest for a $100 Gift Card!

 

Join me at Pitchfest!

Leo and Carey Great Gatsby

Hey, if it happened to F. Scott Fitzgerald, it can happen to you.

One of America's most celebrated authors died penniless, his greatest opus, The Great Gatsby, nearly forgotten…

Except by Hollywood.

Since his death, his book,  has been adapted for the screen an extraordinary five times.

It's also been an opera, a ballet, a musical, a straight play, and get this: two video games.

 Can you increase the odds that your book will find its way onto the silver screen?

Is a novel an alternative route to get your screenplay into the hands of producers?

The answer to both these questions is a resounding yes. To find out how, join me in Los Angeles on Saturday, June 1, 2013, where I'll giving a workshop with the incomparably divine Laurie Scheer at Pitchfest called, "Adapting your Screenplay as a Book" .

Details are below.

It'll be worth it,

— Josie

 

Photo: Leonardo DiCaprio and Carey Mulligan
in Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby 

Adapting Your Screenplay as a Book
4:30pm – 6:00pm – Academy Five
with Josie Brown & Laurie Scheer
So, you’ve pitched your screenplay and a few agents have said, “I could sell that idea if it were a novel.” Know that you’re not alone. So, what should you do? Josie Brown, best-selling novelist and Laurie Scheer, d-girl extraordinaire and publishing mentor, guide you through a workshop presentation that includes in-class exercises, tangible examples, and an extensive Q&A segment to help you determine how your screenplay will look as a book. With the majority of studio projects being produced from existing properties and franchises (books, comics, games, apps, etc.), adapting your screenplay into book form is an option many screenwriters have found success doing—and many others are considering it. Before you begin the process of writing prose vs. script, there are a few elements you need to know.

 
Click here to register for Pitchfest 

Click below to see a trailer from the movie, THE GREAT GATSBY


Okay, here were my favorite Oscars dresses…

 
Sexiest-Dresses-Oscars-2013

So many dresses, so little time to review every fold, hue, cut, and designer
making us ooooh and ahhhh during Sunday's Oscars 2013 presentation…

But I'll try my best. Okay, here were my favorites:

Halle Berry in a glitzy Marchesa gown…

Jessica Chastain in a copper, Art Deco-inspired gown by Armani Privé…

And  Naomi Watts is also in an Armani Privé gown,
in a glitzy silver with an intriguing cut-out.

 

Also…

Amy-adams-vanity-fair-oscars-party-2013-03

Amy Adams in gray fringed Oscar de la Renta…

 

Charlize2

 

Charlize Theron wore a peplum-waisted Dior Haute Couture gown…

 

JLaw

And Jennifer Lawrence's Dior Haute Couture
pink blush gown, with voluminous train.

 

All beautiful, don't you think?

 

I'm soooo inspired, I'm off to get my own little princess a gown!

 

— Josie

 

There is only one man I’d leave my husband for: 007.

Daniel Craig SkyfallOkay, maybe I wouldn't actually leave Martin. I'd come home at mealtimes.

I'm just talkin' dessert now, the amuse bouche, when I rhapsodize about James Bond…well really, the James Bond, as epitomized by Daniel Craig. He's the perfect 007 for these times.

He's so spot on in the role, that I don't even mind his girly-man routine in THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO.

Check out this new trailer for SKYFALL, the latest Bond flick, which will be out in November.

Love this line:

007: Everybody needs a hobby.

Bad Guy Javier Bardem: So, what's yours?

007: Resurrection.

Ummmmmmmmmmm.

Shaken and stirred,

–Josie

HAH-Hanging-Man-New-BlueThe Housewife Assassin's Handbook

Murder. Suspense. Sex. And some handy household tips.

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"This is a super sexy and fun read that you shouldn't miss!"
–Mary Jacobs, Bookhounds

 

 

A Sneak Peek AT THE GREAT GATSBY

  

F. Scott Fitzgerald is one of my all-time favorite authors. His words are prose as poetry, and from that standpoint, The Great Gatsby is considered is best work (albeit I'm partial to the book he was still writing upon his death, The Last Tycoon.

If the film is as good as the trailer, Baz Luhrmann, the director of the cinematic musical Moulin Rouge (talk about a fully encompassing cinematic experience, despite the tongue-in-cheek pop music mashup) may very well consider this his masterwork.

The movie stars Leonardo Di Caprio, Carey Mulligan, Tobey Maguire, and the usually funny Isla Fisher in a very serious role. Oscar nods all around.

Depicting the roaring twenties the way Fitzgerald wrote about it (or, I should say fantasized about it) does the author proud.

 

— Josie

 

  HAH Hanging Man V2

The Housewife Asassin's Handbook

Buy it today on
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"You've got a book that won't be putdown – so go pick it up now!"  — Cat's Thoughts
"As a housewife myself, this book was a fantastic escape that had me dreaming "if only" the whole way through. The book doesn't take itself too seriously, which makes for the perfect combination of mystery and humor…" –Curled Up with a Good Book and a Cup of Tea

 

Today, would Bridget Jones be fat? I’ll take Renee Zellweger’s side: NO.

Bridget PlumpNovelist Helen Fielding is hard at work on the third installment of Bridget Jones's Diary. That's fine with me. I loved the first book, and its movie version. 

Not to mention that enough time has passed to make the sequel's rushed-to-cinema-in-a-mere-three-years-I'm-joking-folks mistakes a passing memory. I have no problem revisiting enjoyable characters. Just be sure to give them a dash of realistic conflict, and sprinkle scintilating dialogue liberally throughout. Helen and her gang (director and gal pal Sharon Malone, screenwriters Andrew Davies and Richard Curtis) are great at that.

This time around, however, Renee Zellweger, the actress who's name is synonymous with the lead role, has begged off packing on the pounds to play up Bridget's renowned weight issue. "I had a panic attack with all the specialists talking about how bad this is for you long term, putting on that much weight in short periods of time," the London Daily Mail quotes her as saying.

She's absolutely right. 

But does that make for good cinema?

Granted, we love Bridget because she is us: lovable, albeit flawed. But let's look at it another way: it's been fifteen years since the book hit the shelves, and ten years since the first movie was released. I'd like to think that a smart gal like Bridget would have grown in so many ways–

Not necessarily around her waistline. 

Perhaps she'd have finally conquered that issue. Or maybe she's traded it in for the stress that comes with balancing a relationship with a career, not to mention aging parents and the desire to have children.

As it turns out, that just so happens to be the hook for the new movie's plot: that Bridget can't have children with Mark…and turns to Daniel.

Sometimes a too-thin physique can weaken a woman's ability to make the necessary hormones and/or ovulate, hindering her from having children. Perhaps that could be written into the plot?

Renee-zellweger-met-ball-2011 Let's think out of the box, people. Renee deserves to keep her couture-perfect bod.

Unless the Academy wants to give her an Oscar for pulling a Russell Crowe (The Insider) or a Robert De Niro (Raging Bull).

But Renee already has her Academy Award: for her best supporting actress turn in Cold Mountain. That was payback for passing her over as best actress in Rob Marshall's brilliant adaptation of the musical Chicago.

Those roles were golden. Bridget is just (nonfat) icing on a great slice of life. What a wonderful body of work

What a wonderful body, period,

— Josie

HAH Hanging Man V2

THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK

Murder. Suspense. Sex. 
And some handy household tips.

Signal Press – Digital eBook 

ORDER NOW,  from

Amazon.com

BarnesAndNoble.com

Also in in the Apple iBookstore!

Enter The Housewife Assassin's Handbook Contest to win free movie tickets to AMC theaters, or another theater near you! 

I'm giving away $50 in Fandango Bucks
to some lucky winner who likes thriller movies as much as romantic suspense!

CLICK HERE TO READ THE CONTEST RULES…

 

 

Best Daniel Craig Anti-James Bond movie ever: Layer Cake

Layer-Cake This side of the pond may know Daniel Craig as 007, but our British cousins have had the good fortune of seeing him in a variety of great roles that show a softer/more vulnerable/much more ironic side of the actor. 

I'd read some fairly great reviews of his 2004 movie Layer Cake, so I decided to check it out. It did not disappoint. Craig plays a bean-counting cocaine middleman who wants to retire from the dirty biz, but gets suckered into doing one last "favor" for the drug kingpin running him. 

Lots of plot twists: not everyone is whom they portend to be. Great cinematography, too, and a superlative sound track. The bad guys are complex characters. If it reminds one of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, that's because the movies share the same producers.

'Flix it. You won't be disappointed. Daniel Craig is more than eye candy. He's just desserts, too.

— Josie

HAH Hanging Man V2

THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK

Murder. Suspense. Sex. 
And some handy household tips.

Signal Press – Digital eBook 

ORDER NOW,  from

Amazon.com

BarnesAndNoble.com

Also in in the Apple iBookstore!

Enter The Housewife Assassin's Handbook Contest to win free movie tickets to AMC theaters, or another theater near you! 

I'm giving away $50 in Fandango Bucks
to some lucky winner who likes thriller movies as much as romantic suspense!

CLICK HERE TO READ THE CONTEST RULES…


 

 

The Help: does the movie’s portrayal of racism ring true?

The-help
I was (as we say there) born and raised in Atlanta. I grew up in the Atlanta of the 1960s. Back then, the mayor, a progressive-minded man named William Hartsfield (and back then, "progressive" wasn't a dirty word) made our slogan, "The city too busy to hate."

Keep in mind that Atlanta was also the home of Martin Luther King, Jr

I was a child of the sixties. I remember segregation and integration, which happened while I was in elementary school. I also remember Dr. King's assassination, in Memphis. At my school in DeKalb County, as we watched the funeral on television, I remember our teacher's prediction: "You will always remember this day."

She was right, although we were too young to understand what it meant.

At one time, it had also been the home of the Klu Klux Klan. In fact, it once stood on what is now the grounds of one of the three elegant churches that grace Peachtree Street at the southern apex of Buckhead known as "Christ Curve." The biggest irony is that the church is a Catholic congregation: a religion that the KKK hated. That the priests decided to invited the Klan's Imperial Wizard to the dedication is proof positive that any piece of land can be sanctified.

Which brings me to the questions being raised by the movie based on Kathryn Stockett's runaway bestselling book, The Help:

First, does it vilify its Caucasian characters? And secondly, does it correctly represent the African-American dialects of the time? And finally, do the African-American experiences ring true?

My own opinion: I loved the book. And my personal take on the first is that Ms. Stockett has been true to the South we both grew up in (albeit a few years, and miles, apart).

Before integration, there was a difinitive separation of classes. Whereas some of it was based on "breeding." (Who was your daddy's daddy, and your mama's people?).

Certainly religion played into it. But mostly, it was based on color.

Integration was resented by most of the Caucasian population. No one who lived through it can deny that.

In many ways Hartfield's Atlanta was a bubble of positive race relations, but no one who lived there during those tulmultious times cannot deny that it had its fair share of racial violence. The 1958 bombing of the Jewish Temple on Peachtree Street in Atlanta's Brookwood neighborhood was one very sad example.

My parents had moved to Atlanta in the mid-fifties, from Manhattan, because of a transfer that my father had agreed to. My maiden name is Martinez, and both my parents had been born in Puerto Rico, albeit raised stateside. Like them–and unlike my older sister–I had thick, curly dark hair and an olive complexion, but also light eyes. I remember a little boy in my class asking me, "What are you?" The question stumped me. I didn't know how to answer! I mean, I was a girl, of course. Wasn't that obvious?

His next question shamed me, because I interpreted it as a slur: "Are you a nigger?"

That was a word we never used in my house. Ever. I had no right to feel ashamed.

I wonder if there was a time, even later in life, where he grew to regret his own use of it.

Had I grown up in the North, I'm sure I'd have heard another taunt: "Spic." But since we weren't the predominant minority in Atlanta, that word wasn't as well known back then. I guess we skirted by. Sure, our name was inevitably mispronounced ("Mart-TEEN-ez" became "Martin-EZZ"). That is a small price to pay for the privilege of being allowed to "pass."

To answer the second question: yes, the South has many dialects, for both the predominant races. When I lived there, I could tell if the person speaking to me was from Georgia, Alabama, North Carolina or Texas by his or her "twang." Then again, I could also tell an Aussie from a Kiwi. I guess I have an ear for dialects. It got me into radio. (The need for sanity got me out of it.)

I moved from the South after marriage, to the San Francisco Bay Area. I married a Yankee: a nice Jewish boy from the Bronx, who had moved to Atlanta after college. As much as I loved Atlanta and had grown up around Southerners, I never got over the presumption that I might be too exotic for any man who drank rum and Cokes, had gone to UGA (University of Georgia, but pronounced "ugga," like the infamous mutt mascot for that grand institution school) and aspired to a partnership at King & Spalding. 

So, yep, I can certainly relate to The Help's heroine, Skeeter. The world is a very big place. That's a good thing for those of us who must question the local customs, or who refuse to conform to society's current norm.

I take it as a good sign that some people who have seen the movie or have read the book are truly appalled at the class divisiveness portrayed in The Help, and the cluelessness of the cruelty demonstrated by some of its Caucasian characters.

They should be. That goes for all of us. Especially those of us who lived through it. 

When my daughter was in the fourth grade and studying the Civil War, she chided me for my Southern roots. "Mom, how could you have lived in a place where Eva and I could not have been friends?" Eva, her BFF, is African-American. 

After reminding her that I was born more than a century after the Civil War, I had to agree with her, and break the news to her that some people still judge others by their skin color. 

I will always consider Atlanta my home. I am very proud of my hometown, as I am sure Ms. Stockett is of hers, Jackson, Mississippi. The reality is that neither of us can change its history. Our memories, our perceptions and our interpretations of the places we grew up — as well as those of others who also grew up in that time and those places – are ours own.If they don't reflect that of others, so be it. The South can be charming. It can also be provencial and cruel.

Then again, so can New York, Paris, and London. 

But I guess if a commonor can marry a king-in-the-wings, the world is changing for the good.

— Josie

 

 

  

HAH Hanging Man V2

THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK
Murder. Suspense. Sex. 
And some handy household tips.

Signal Press – Digital eBook 

ORDER NOW,  from

Amazon.com

BarnesAndNoble.com

Also in in the Apple iBookstore!

Enter The Housewife Assassin's Handbook Contest to win free movie tickets to AMC theaters, or another theater near you! 

I'm giving away $50 in Fandango Bucks
to some lucky winner who likes thriller movies as much as romantic suspense!

CLICK HERE TO READ THE CONTEST RULES…

 

Purrrrrfect! W lets Kristen Stewart’s kitten out of the bag.

Kristen-stewart-covers-w-magazine
When we were little, we all played dress up in our mother's clothes and makeup. I don't know a mom who doesn't enjoy acting as her daughter's makeup artists and and wardrobe mistresses. Live Barbies are more fun to play with, right?

The stylists and editors of fashion magazines get to do it for a living, with some of the most celebrated personalities of our time. Talk about fun!

Just ran across the September 2011 cover of W magazine, which features the hardworking, no-nonsense actress Kristen Stewart. Unless you've been underground for the last five years (werewolf in a cave, vampire in coffin, hint hint…bad analogies, I know) you'll recognize her as the female lead in the TWILIGHT movie series. What I love about this video interview (to learn the exact questions she was asked, click through to the text version as well) is how unassuming she is. There is no "playing to the camera", but an honesty and forthrightness about her background and her craft. She makes it sound as if she's an "accidental" actor. Having seen her in several non-Twilight movies over the years – Panic Room, Into the Wild, Adventureland, and The Runaways, where she played musician Joan Jett –  I think she has aptly proven that this is so not the case.

W used that renowned photographic team of Mert & Marcus show us a side of Kristen we've never seen before: a throwback to 1960s Bardot/Fonda sex kitten sensuality, giving her blown-out-to-there hair and real cheekbones. It may not have been her typical demeanor, but she certainly went with it: more proof that she's a great actress — and good sport to boot.

No need to pout when you can purr,

– Josie

HAH Hanging Man V2

THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK
Murder. Suspense. Sex. 
And some handy household tips.

Signal Press – Digital eBook 

ORDER NOW,  from

Amazon.com

BarnesAndNoble.com

Also in in the Apple iBookstore!

Enter The Housewife Assassin's Handbook Contest to win free movie tickets to AMC theaters, or another theater near you! 

I'm giving away $50 in Fandango Bucks
to some lucky winner who likes thriller movies as much as romantic suspense!

CLICK HERE TO READ THE CONTEST RULES…


Supreme Court on the gender bias class action case against Wal-Mart is narrowed to those women with grievances.

Some_like_it_hot_trio
On one hand, I was disappointed with the Supreme Court ruling that threw the gender bias lawsuit against omnipotent retailer, Wal-Mart, out of court. I would imagine that if it were a company-wide policy, then EVERY woman should have been included in this class-action case.

But who is to say, if only a handful came forward of the thousands of women who at Wal-Mart work, or have worked there over the years?

On the other hand, the women who actually stood up about these practices should be the ones to reap the benefit from the outcome of the case, should the court rules in their favor–

Of course, the attorneys will be getting their cut first, so it may be a hollow victory at best.

To paraphrase Marilyn Monroe in Some Like it Hot? "I'm tired of getting the fuzzy end of the lollypop?"

You can watch that scene here…

–Josie

HAH Hanging Man V2

THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK
Murder. Suspense. Sex. 
And some handy household tips.

Signal Press – Digital eBook 

ORDER NOW,  from

Amazon.com

BarnesAndNoble.com

Also in in the Apple iBookstore!

Enter The Housewife Assassin's Handbook Contest to win free movie tickets to AMC theaters, or another theater near you! 

I'm giving away $50 in Fandango Bucks
to some lucky winner who likes thriller movies as much as romantic suspense!

CLICK HERE TO READ THE CONTEST RULES…


Pregnant Moms at the Oscars: That Winning Glow

Is-Natalie-Portman-Pregnant-Golden-Globe-Awards This year, when Natalie Portman gets her shot at Oscar gold, her very visible baby bump will be there, front and center–

And swathed in some sumptious designer couture.

That ain't no OshKosh B'Gosh.

As it should be.

Portman won the Golden Globe for her terrifying performance in THE BLACK SWAN, and she's considered the frontrunner for the Best Performace by an Actress Academy Award as well. 

Even if she doesn't win, what a memorable experience she'll have, sharing this wonderful accomplishment with your soon-to-be-born child! The paparrazi will capture her pregnancy glow. The gown she chooses will have been perfectly cut to enhance her beauty (if not her bounty). She'll be able to show her child the pictures from that magical night and say, "See, honey? You were there with me, too!"

Pregnancy is no stranger to the Bald Golden Boy. Click here to trod down Oscar history's red carpeted memory lane…

 

__________________________________

Don't forget to enter the contest for my novel, THE BABY PLANNER  for a chance to win a $100 gift card from you favorite bookstore! 

__________________________________

 

Saturday Share: This captures beautifully why I love San Francisco Bay

After being away for a few weeks, it's great to be reminded of why I call the San Francisco Bay Area home. This video, by Simon Christen, does just that.

Thanks, Simon!

 

Yes, you can go home again,

–Josie


(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY!

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading." –Jackie Collins, Hollywood Wives

 

Toy Story 3: Had a ball, bawled like a baby.

Toy-story-3-20080409024802743_640w I saw TOY STORY 3 — and yes, I cried like a baby, even before the good-bye scene at the end.

Martin and I went together to see it. Our kids wouldn't go with us. At this stage of their lives, they'd rather see GROWN-UPS.

Some day they'll grow up, for real. That day happens when they realize that the best movies make you laugh (for all the right reasons — and those reasons aren't potty jokes) and cry.

I love Pixar. They get it right every time. That is the one studio — animation or live action — that understands that the best movies are story-driven. Sure, you're wow'ed by the great animation, which is both colorful and realistic. But what you remember are the characters, and their wonderful dialogue. (Hamm the Pig: "Come on, let's see how much we're going for, on eBay!")

The first TOY STORY movie came out 15 years ago. Hard to believe, isn't it? I remember taking our kids to see it — and being awed by it. Again, by colorful characters who were well-drawn — and by that, I don't just mean by the way in which they lit up the screen, but how they stayed in our hearts. Buzz Lightyear, voiced by Tim Allen, the pompous hero with a heart of gold; the always hysterical Mrs. Potato Head (yes, that's George's mom in SEINFELD, Estelle Harris) and her gruff hubby, Mr. Potato Head (Don Rickles, who, frankly, is toned down: for the kiddies, if not for the adults in the audience).

And then there's Tom Hank's Woody. Director John Lasseter got that one so right from the very first film in this trilogy, since Hanks will always be this generation's voice of an American hero.

And aren't our toys our heroes? 

Mine were Chatty Cathy, my bubble-hair-do'ed Barbie, and a purple stuffed bunny who went by the name of (you guessed it) Bunny. Not a day goes by that I don't miss Chatty. She was my BFF, my confidante, the gal pal I went to when I needed a pity party. But when her voice box quit working, she went to the Doll Hospital–

And never came back.

I'd like to think it's just the attic of my mom's house, but, alas, I'm guessing that Doll Hospital looks something like the odious incinerator in TS3.

Bunny is still with me, snuggled with the stuffed animals the kids have discarded. I'm holding all of them for some future generation of grand kids.

As for Bubble Hair-Do'ed Barbie…..gee I wonder how much she'd fetch on eBay?

I feel sorry for the classically pretty. Seems that people only admire them for their looks, not their souls.

And if TOY STORY has taught us just one thing, it's that our toys do have souls.

—Josie

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  Josie's Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

 

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY!

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading."

Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives


Trailer Smash: Sandra Bullock Throws a Touchdown with THE BLIND SIDE

BlindSide I'm late to the party, but that doesn't mean I can't wear the biggest lampshade in the room when it comes to THE BLIND SIDE, Sandra Bullock's new movie.

I don't think there is a parent who's heart won't heave at this story: "Big Mike," Michael Oher, is a  homeless kid who is given an opportunity to get out of a Memphis, Tennessee ghetto on a scholarship to private prep school, and rises to prominence as a left tackle for the Ole Miss football team before becoming the current left tackle for the Baltimore Ravens.

The story revolves around his life as a homeless student: his teachers and the faculty don't know is that he has no place to live. His potential, seen by one teacher, is obscured to everyone else because he has never learned the skills to study.

A couple with children at the school — Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy — take Micheal under their wing, moving him into their home and raising him. Bullock's character, the glossy brittle Leigh Anne, is a Steel Magnolia with a Moonpie-marshmallow middle: she takes no guff from anyone, be it Michael's football coach or the gangstas in Micheal's former 'hood.

I grew up in the South and know women many like Leigh Anne. They are colorblind, and they embody the term "right makes might." Social dictates don't stand a chance against what they know to be their Christian duty . . .

And we are all the better because if it.

One of the final scenes in the movie is a voice over in which Leigh Anne talks about those headlines we've all see: about other boys, just as talented as Michael, whose lives have been cut short by a bullet…

Because they weren't as lucky.

No one was there to help them out of their ghetto.

Sound familiar?

If only we all had Leigh Anne's gumption: to take just one lonely, lost child into our care, and help them flourish.


—Josie


SLHW fauxsmall


 Josie' s Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

Look for it in bookstores June 1, 2010

Pre-Order at any of the bookstore links in my sidebar…


TV Show FRIENDS as a movie: Maybe the best way to see Jennifer Aniston on the BIg Screen

Friends

Gunther from FRIENDS is spilling the beans (and I don't mean unground Jamaican coffee):

There is a FRIENDS movie in the works.

Maybe.

According to the LA TImes "The Dish Rag" column (see below), it may be in theaters Summer 2011. FRIENDS producer Marta Kauffman is stealing a page from the SEX AND THE CITY handbook, and taking their beloved characters to the big screen.

Frankly, I'm happy about this. Every now and again I catch FRIENDS reruns, and they still make me smile, and often laugh out loud.

The biggest issue they have, which was not faced by the SATC gang, is
whether sitcom (as opposed to dramady) characters can be given the depth needed on the big
screen

I'm guessing it can: that is, IF the script is GOOD.

Every one of that gang was better than his or her material — and I
can easily see how such empathetic characters, given the history they
have with their audience, can do well in an extended format of 110
minutes or less.

As always, it's all in the writing,

—Josie

SecretLivesfaux

Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives
Simon & Schuster/Pocket

Look for it in bookstores
September 2010

LA Times / The Dish Rag / September 28, 2009

Is there a 'Friends' film in the works? And are all the show's stars on board?

Friends

Will there be a movie version of "Friends"?

Could
be. A former "Friends" cast mate has reportedly spilled the beans that
a film version of NBC's hit TV series is in the works.

There's been no official confirmation (or denial) yet. 

But
after the success of "Sex and the City: The Movie" — now shooting the
second installment — and the excitement about the "Seinfeld" reunion
on "Curb Your Enthusiasm," this makes sense now.

James Michael Tyler told Britain’s News
of the World
newspaper, “I still keep in touch with a lot of the cast and
they say that they are really keen. I am definitely on board to do the film."

The
economy is still in the tank and several "Friends" stars' film careers
never got off the ground — with the exception of Jennifer Aniston —
so it's possible that the cast may be open to it now.

Remember, movie production is tight in Hollywood right now. This could be their only film for a few years.

Find out what could have happened to our favorite friends.

Here's a look at what the friends have been doing:

David Schwimmer has done a
bit of London theater after his small role in "Band of Brothers." He
also directed the 2007 British film "Run Fat Boy
Run." Who knew?

For the most part, Jennifer Aniston's films have been commercial successes. She's doing better than her pals.  

No one dug Courteney Cox's now-canceled
"Dirt." She's trying again with "Cougar Town" on TV and should be in
"Scream 4," so she knows the value of a redux.

Lisa Kudrow's film career is smaller and more indie, but she's still kicking, having played a mom in Summit Entertainment's "Bandslam."

Matt LeBlanc had that flop TV comedy "Joey." Has he done anything else? He's gotta be about ready for "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here."

Matthew Perry starred in
Aaron Sorkin's critically hailed "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." But
it was canceled after one season. Last time we saw him, he was really
good as older Zac Efron in "17 Again." For about five minutes.

What do you think should happen in "Friends: The Movie?"

Should Ross and Rachel get/stay together? 

Will Phoebe announce she's a lesbian and become a street person living in Venice? 

Will Joey develop early onset Alzheimer's? Hey, someone has to have a disease or where are the sad scenes?

Will Chandler and Monica's perfect kids rob houses in their upscale hood for crack money and get sent to juvenile prison?

We'd like to see Monica struggle with losing baby weight and end up looking as heavy as she did in high school. 

Your suggestions? 

Photo credit: Getty Images

 

Posted by Elizabeth Snead on September 28, 2009

This Week’s Trailer Smash: COUPLES RETREAT

Vince-vaughn-couples-retrea Okay, so I've been waiting for a Vince Vaughn movie that rivals WEDDING CRASHERS in both jokes, cast, and great Vince Vaughnability.

Well, I think I've found it. COUPLES RETREAT allows Vinny to grow up out of the manboy he usually portrays, into a hubby and dad — with some of the same issues that a married manboy is due to have.

Sublimely, Jon Favreau, Kristen Bell and Jason Bateman round out the cast.

Damn! You mean we have to wait until October 9, 2009 to see?

Enjoy,

—Josie

Dilf Logo Small

The WGA Writers’ Strike: Ad’ed Incentives to Settle

Desperatehousewiveswister
Sadly, the WGA writers' strike is still going on in Hollywood. I TOTALLY support the writers in their fight for a few more pennies on the distribution of their work, no matter where and how it appears. Why the Hollywood studios don't give writers the respect they deserve is beyond me. No TV show or film is worth seeing, if the story does not capture the hearts, minds, and imaginations of its viewers. Remember that as your favorite television shows roll into their fourth rerun in as many months. 

Or better yet, speak out — to the studios and their advertisers.  Here's how, as noted in  unitedhollywood.com:

      

  • "FireDogLake has launched a web site that makes it click-through-easy for a fan to email the studios behind their favorite shows.

    "Other sites joining FireDogLake in the campaign are Daily Kos (4,050,000 hits/week), Raw Story (2,833,500), Crooks and Liars (1,850,000), AlterNet (1,500,000), and Democratic Underground
    (1,500,000). Carried on all those sites, almost 12,000,000
    visitors/week will have the opportunity to click and send a complaint
    to the studio of their favorite show.

  • "A fan group called ‘Television Unplugged
    has recently launched an advertiser boycott and guerilla commerical
    project. What's nice about this idea is that it encourages fans not
    only to stop doing something (buying products) but to DO something
    (make a video). We at United Hollywood don't all agree on boycotting
    practices, but we do agree that no boycott is effective if it's done
    silently. If you're not going to buy products, make some noise about it!
  • "A group on LiveJournal called Consumers Support the WGA has been emailing companies every day of the strike
    to send the message that viewers and advertisers alike have a stake in
    seeing a fair settlement. Their goal is to tell advertisers ‘loud and
    clear they need to put pressure on the people they pay to sell their
    things – people refusing to pay others a fair wage. Or we as consumers may decide not to pay them by not buying their goods.'

    "TV
    fans are angry about their favorite shows going into reruns or going
    off the air. Reading the fan sites, it's great to see how connected
    people are to their shows. They appreciate the importance of writers,
    and to show their displeasure, they have been emailing the networks and
    studios who produce their shows. They've heard that the AMPTP is
    prolonging the strike to hurt the writers and the whole entertainment
    community, and they aren't having it.

    "There have been rumors
    that major advertisers, hearing the concerns of viewers and livid over
    the conduct of the networks, have threatened to take all their
    commercials off the air if the strike isn't settled before Christmas.
    That's a serious threat, with serious consequences…."

  • Now that you know who to bitch at, get clicking.  The sooner you do, the sooner you'll get what you really want: great plots — albeit in between all those commercials.