Hump Day Haiku: Take a Crack at That


Love our place, except/
The re-do from hell, next door/
Can be heard AND seen(!!!)


— Josie


The-Candidate-FinalCheck out my latest novel, THE CANDIDATE

Signal Press – eBook

Buy it NOW, on 
Amazon (US)

Amazon (UK)

In all online bookstores June 15, 2013!

Seduction and intrigue are rampant on the campaign trail when a political campaign adviser discovers that Washington's power broker elite have embroiled his presidential candidate in a plot involving an act of terrorism on US soil…


Democratic political campaign consultant Ben Brinker can’t remember the last time he was excited by a candidate’s vision. He feels he’s lost his way, both emotionally and professionally. Worst yet, his show-me-the-money policy seems to have finally caught up with him. Two of his recent clients have been disgraced in one way or another: a senator is caught in lurid sex scandal, and a congressman is indicted in a kickback scandal. In no time at all the political pundits are calling Ben a "candidate cooler." Now Ben is desperate for any campaign gig he can get.

As luck would have it, Andrew Harris Mansfield, the charismatic junior senator from North Carolina  and former Marine pilot, asks Ben if he wants to run his soon-to-be-announced campaign for president.

Little does Ben know what's in store for Andrew, or their country–

Nor does he realize that the key to saving both have been placed in his hands.

Read an excerpt here…

Enter THE CANDIDATE'S Contest for a $100 Gift Card!


TGIF Excerpt: Scotty is dying. Time for Martin to cross the bridge into the 21st Century.

My husband, Martin, isn't one of those men who must have the latest/greatest in technology. Nor must he demonstrate his manliness with boy toys that are always the biggest, and therefore presumed the best (phallically speaking).

Which brings me to the death of Scotty–an appropriate topic, now that the latest Star Trek Movie ("Into Darkness") is in movie theaters.

No, I don't mean Scotty, the good ship Enterprise's engineer (thank goodness, because I really really love love love Simon Pegg in the role). 

I mean Martin's cell phone, a relic he calls "Scotty," as a quaint reference to the phasers carried by the Star Trek crew. You see, his phone is that tiny.

And it ispossibly as old as the original TV show itself.

Okay, certainly it's not THAT old. Besides, back then there were no cell phones, not to mention the first ones were attached to suitcases, so that would defeat his purpose of carrying the tiniest phone he could find.

In fact, his current cell is so tiny that texting on it (yes, at least it allows him to text, but only predictively) is a tribulation, despite his opposable-thumb dexterity. (He's right up there with the apes and chimps, so my mother was wrong about him.)

And the darn thing certainly ain't "smart." He can't get The Internets, and the pictures it takes look like they were pulled out of an elephant's ass.

Bottom line: Scotty is dying.

It's showing its wonkiness by asking to "Please Insert Sim Card" when it already has one. Or sometimes the screen goes white (yes, at least, originally it was in color). Other times, the message shows appears upside down.

"Honey, Scotty is dying," I tell him in a soothing tone.

"But I hate the new phones! They're too big," he whines "Much too bulky for a man to carry in his pocket."

"Too bad," I respond. "It's dying. That's okay. It lived long and prospered. But if you're waiting for another cell the size of a Star Trek phaser gun, youve got another thing coming. If you need something to carry it in, I'll lend you one of my purses."

Needless to say, this is not the answer he's looking for. 

If he could, he'd wait it out, until cells got small again. Until then, he's still got to reach out and touch someone with something that receives messages that aren't smoke signals, so down to the Verizon store we go.

Speaking of dying, I've got a great excerpt for you today. It comes from Book 2 of The Housewife Assassin series, Guide to Gracious Killing. In it, my heroine, Donna Stone, is charged with protecting  the Russian president from assassins while he's the guest of an American billionaire. Of course, both an assassin and the billionaire make their appearance at exactly the wrong time: while Donna is trying to take a shower.


HAH-2-Book-Set (4)Enjoy it. And if you do, feel free to buy it. 

In fact, if you haven't yet read Book 1, The Housewife Assassin's Handbook you can get it free right now, either by itself, or along with Book 2, in The Housewife Assassin's Killer 2-Book Set.



I’ve just clicked on the dryer again, when
there’s another knock on the door. I crack it open to find a maid standing
there, with an armful of towels. “Shall I take them into the bathroom, Madame?”
Her accent is slightly British, which is par for the course around here.

“No, that’s okay. I’ll take them.”

She smiles and hands them to me.

That’s when I see it—a small tattoo of a wolf on
her left arm.

Her eyes follow mine. She senses I know who she

Her arm comes up toward my face. I block it with
my forearm, then kick her in the gut. She falls back, slamming into the
dresser. This stuns her, but just for a second. She reaches behind her and
yanks the dryer from the electrical socket. In no time at all, she’s got the
cord wrapped around both her wrists and arms.

“You won’t stop me from killing him.” Her vow is
soft, but deadly. “With what he’s done to others like me? That pig does not
deserve to live!”

“Trust me I get it. But it’s not happening here,
or now.”

We both know I can’t talk her out of her mission
anymore than she can talk me out of mine: to save Asimov’s sorry ass.

We circle each other warily, assessing each
other’s weaknesses: She’s got more bulk than me, but she’s also slower. I’m
taller, too. Best yet, I’m now up against the dresser. Obviously, she considers
this a weakness because she charges me.

Even with the cord wrapped around my neck, all
it takes is one squirt of my spray cologne in her eyes to blind her.

She stumbles into the bathroom, dragging me with
her into the shower, where she turns on the water, full force. She’s hoping to
wash the sting out of her eyes.

What she doesn’t count on is my ability to kick
her into the shower.

She bangs her head against the marble wall.
Before she comes to her senses, I untangle myself from the cord, plug the dryer
into an electrical socket, and throw it into the tub.

Wolverine’s death mask stare and the smell of
her frying skin sends me gagging from the room followed by a shower of sparks
as the electrical system shorts out.

I shut the bathroom door, then lay down on the
bed to catch my breath.

This time when there’s a tap on the door, I
throw it open, to let Jack in.

But no. It’s Jonah Breck.

I pull my robe tightly around me. “My husband is
out right now.”

He smirks. “I know, dear. That’s why I’m here.
Don’t worry, we’ve got all the time in the world. He’s with the Japanese
defense minister, who is somewhat long-winded.” From behind him, he pulls a
bottle of Tattinger’s and two champagne glasses. “I presume you’re finding your
accommodations to your liking.”

“In all honesty, there’s a short in the
bathroom’s electrical system—”

Before I can say another word, he has backed me
onto the bed. When my robe falls open, he whips the sash out from around me.
Before I know it, he’s flipped me onto my stomach.

“I could use that drink right now,” I gasp, as
he binds my wrists with the sash.

“We’ll celebrate afterward.” I hear him fumbling
with his zipper. “You will, anyway. Trust me, I’ll have you begging for more.”

Promises, promises.

I struggle and try to sweet talk him some sense
into him, but no use. He’s got me pinned. I’ve just about given up any hope of
the Calvary coming when there is a sharp knock on the door.

“Mrs. Stone?” Both Breck and I recognize
Edwina’s voice. “Mrs. Stone, your daughter requests you come immediately.”

“Answer her.” Breck’s hot breath sears my ear.

I shout, “I’ll—I’ll be right there.”

“I’ll have to escort you. The girls are eating
in the south wing media room tonight, and with security as tight as it is… Well,
you can just imagine.”

Breck mutters a curse as he rolls off me. Even
as he unties me with one hand, the other gently follows the curve of my ass—

When he smacks it hard, I swallow the urge to
cry out.

“A love tap. There’s more where that came from.
You’ll love the tour of my dungeon.”

He’s got a dungeon? His corporate bio doesn’t
mention a sadistic streak, but yeah, okay, makes sense. 

I leap up and grab my dress, which is hanging
over the chair.

Breck smiles as I struggle into it. “Allow me to
zip you up.”

I suppress a shudder at the thought of his hands
anywhere on me. Instead, I nod.

He presses the zipper into my skin as he inches
it up, ever so slowly. When he’s done, I feel his lips grazing my neck. They
linger there as he breathes in the scent of my skin, sweat, and disgust.

How I long to smash that champagne bottle over
my host’s head, but seriously, what kind of guest would that make me?

And besides, I can’t deal with the disposal of
two dead bodies tonight.

Before I leave, I flip off Elvis Costello.

I can just imagine Ryan and Arnie’s shock and
awe at seeing Breck slithering out of the room.

I don’t even want to think about Jack’s

Let alone what he’ll say about the fried maid in
the shower. I guess I have a lot of explaining to do.

c) 2012 Josie Brown. All rights reserved. This excerpt may not be resold or redistributed without prior written permission from Josie Brown or Signal Press Books (


Guide-to-Gracious-Killing-FinalThe Housewife Assassin's 
Guide to Gracious Killing 
(Book 2) Only $3.99! 

Signal Press / In bookstores now!

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Apple iTunes Bookstore 




REVENGE’s James Tupper is another new cast member in the TV show based on my novel, SECRET LIVES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES

This just in, from Hollywood Reporter! Love it! — Josie

'Revenge's' James Tupper Joins NBC's 'Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives' Pilot (Exclusive)

6:28 PM PDT 10/10/2012 by Lesley Goldberg

The "Grey's Anatomy" alum will play Richard Deaver, a family man with a secret troubled and dangerous personality.

James Tupper Portrait - P 2011

James Tupper is heading to NBC.

The Revenge and Grey's Anatomy alum has joined the network's Jerry Bruckheimer drama pilot The Secret Lives of Husbands and WivesThe Hollywood Reporter has learned exclusively.

STORY: NBC Pilot 'Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives' Finds Lead in Martin Henderson

Based on the Josie Brown book of the same name, the pilot is described as thriller and dramatic soap about the lingering aftermath of a murder. Off the Map's Martin Hendersonwill star as Kyle Dunn, a former flight surgeon and astronaut who returns from a long absence to find something is different about the life he left behind.  

Tupper will play Richard Deaver, a likable and fun guy who moves to town with his wife and daughter to open a real estate business, but underneath his nice exterior is a troubled and dangerous personality.

STORY: Jerry Bruckheimer Soapy Thriller Gets Pilot Order at NBC

From Warner Bros. Television, Bruckheimer will executive produce alongside Sascha Penn, Jonathan Littman and KristieAnne Reed. Penn will write the pilot.

Entourage's Perry Reeves and Rent'Jesse L. Martin will co-star in the drama.

Repped by ICM Partners, Untitled Entertainment and Jackoway Tyerman, Tupper's credits also include Mercy and Men in Trees.

Email:; Twitter: @Snoodit





Fandango BucksThe prize is awesome: $50 in Fandango Bucks, so that you can have a few movie date nights on me.

Here's what you have to do:

1. Read the excerpt here.

2. Now, answer this question: What is the name of Penelope's son?

EMAIL YOUR ANSWER TO: along with your name and snail mail address.

All correct entries must be recieved no later than midnight PT, October 31, 2011.  Winners will be announced November 2, 2011, here on this site.


    - Facebook  5 points!

    –  Twitter    5 points!

   -  Sign up for Donna's Daily Killer Tip.  5 points!


HAH Hanging Man V2 See you at the movies!


Signed copies of THE BABY PLANNER are everywhere! Here’s a list…

I'm signing! Looking for signed copies of The Baby Planner? Check out these bookstores and baby boutiques!


Barnes & Noble
1600 Gateway Boulevard, Fairfield, CA 
707. 435.0484



1314 Lincoln Ave,  95125



Barnes & Noble
313 Corte Madera Town Center, Corte Madera, 94925


Warwick's Books
7812 Girard Avenue / 92037-4287 / 858.454.0347 

Book Soup 
8818 West Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA

310.659.3110 ‎



Barnes & Noble
Fashion Island Mall, 401 Newport Center Drive Suite A215
Newport Beach, CA 92660

Lido Village Books
3424 Via Oporto, Newport Beach, CA
949. 673.2549 ‎



Bellybum Boutique
 4347 North Lincoln Avenue, 60618
773.868.0944 ‎ 

Book Cellar 
4736 North Lincoln Avenue, Chicago, IL 60625-2089
(773) 293-2665 ‎



821 Park Ave @75th, NY 10021



Barnes & Noble
626 106th Avenue Northeast, Bellevue, WA
206. 451.8463



Liberty Bay Books
18881 D Front St Poulsbo, WA 98370



Planet Happy Toys
2914 Northeast 55th Street, Seattle, WA
206.729.0154 ‎ 

Barnes & Noble
2675 Northeast University Village Street, Seattle, WA 
Happily, they were out of copies when I got there… but I did sign four copies of Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, so go get'em! 










Thanks, Publishers Weekly, for Loving THE BABY PLANNER

I'm honored to have this fabulous review in the book publishing industry's trade magazine,PUBLISHERS WEEKLY.

What a great way to start a Monday!
The Baby Planner

Josie Brown. S&S/Gallery, $15 trade paper (352p) ISBN 978-1-4391-9712-7



Brown (Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives) takes baby mania to its illogical, hysterical extreme in this bubbly romp. Thirty-seven-year-old Katie's biological clock is ticking like a time bomb, and she turns her baby obsession into a wildly successful consultant gig planning nurseries for pregnant women too rich, clueless, bedridden, or busy to do the task themselves. Even grieving widower Seth, who works with Katie's child-shy husband, Alex, on a demanding new business venture, needs Katie's services to help him manage his perplexing new role as a single dad. But what begins as yet another vanilla chick lit foray into Bugaboo country turns into something bigger than a satire of status-obsessed Bay Area yummy mummies as Brown takes a dark look at the fears of parenthood and family, with Katie's heartbreaking longing for a child unveiling a disturbing reality about her marriage and family. Still, the message from the somber realities is one full of hope: love makes a family, commitment keeps it together. (Apr. 2011)


Want to read an excerpt? Click here. You can also enter my contest, for a $100 gift card to the bookstore of your choice.  

Enjoy and good luck!


I have mine, now you have a chance to have yours, too,

— Josie

Art from the Heart: Poolside Gossip by Slim Aarons

Poolside GossipSuch irony! This could have easily been the setting for SECRET LIVES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES, had I had written it 40 years ago.

(And of course, I would have been hailed a child prodigy…make that an embryonic one….Oh, hush, those of you who know my real age…!)

Ran across this photo in the June 2010 issue of Vanity Fair. Of course, I had to look it up immediately! Turns out it is a photograph by Slim Aarons called Poolside Gossip. (But of course!)

Was it posed? From the description, I'm guessing not. The lovely lady on the right is art dealer Joseph Linsk's wife, Nelda. She is talking to a woman with the most delicious name (not to mention perfect mid-century sunning ensemble), Helen Dzo Dzo. Another guest, Lita Baron, approaches, fruity cocktail in hand. (You can click onto the photo to make it larger…)

The lacquered coiffures on the women are priceless. And Lita is is full-chested, her high-heeled legs exquisite under the peek-a-boo lace beach cover-up. Yep, she could pass for a former Playboy Bunnie.

So, what's your guess, will Nelda and Helen change the engrossing topic of their discussion before she gets them? Feel free to comment below.

Note to self: Next book will have more intriguing names!

Let's pretend we know what they're saying,


Secret-Lives400w  Josie's novel, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, is soon to be a dramatic TV series on ABC, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.

(Simon & Schuster)

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it TODAY!

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly entertaining reading."

Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl

Join Joshilyn Jackson at Books, Inc. in Berkeley. Buy her book and help save lives.

Backseat-cover Joshilyn Jackson is a writer with gumption. It shows in her writing voice, as well as in the subjects she chooses to tackle in her books.

In fact, her latest, Backseat Saints, is the story of a woman hitting the road in order to get away from an abusive marriage and find herself.

She will be at Books, INC, Berkeley, CA (1460 Fourth Street) on Saturday, June 19th, at 7 PM, and 15% of all items sold that night, even beyond Joshilyn's book, benefits BUILDING FUTURES WITH WOMEN AND CHILDREN, a women's and children's center that works to help women escape deadly marriages and abusive relationships and gives them a chance to start over. This facility was an invaluable resource to Joshilyn in the writing
of her book, and she feels this is a small way in which she can give

In Joshilyn's words:


"BFWC is very very very special to me, as they are the ones who took me to visit a safe house and let me sit down and talk with residents and volunteers and social workers. Without this place, I couldn’t have written BACKSEAT SAINTS, and they were SO generous with their time and information. They operate on a SHOE STRING as all these kinds of places do, and I am DESPERATE to do all I can for them WAYYYY the hell over here in Georgia to get people out to BOOKS INC that night. Of course I hope to sell some copies of SAINTS, but for this event, I just want a good crowd of folks  there to buy ANY BOOK they have been wanting or some STATIONARY AND SOME GUM, you know? It will be fun, too, I swear."

When a gal from the South swears, she means it. Takes one to know one.

About the book:

"Backseat Saints will pull you in and won't let you out until the last page. Raw, tangy and funny, it is an enthralling peek into the secret sorority of mistreated women. Follow the journey of one courageous, witty woman who decides, I'm not going to take this anymore. I love readinga bout mart, flawed and ultimately wise women, Like Rose Mae." —Kathryn Stockett, NYT Bestselling author, The Help

Jackson's absorbing and rewarding fourth novel spotlights Rose Mae Lolly…ina bid to free herself of her past, Rose goes on a cross-country mission to escape her husband and find herself. Jackson peels back Rose's hard edges and resignation to reveal a smart, earnest, brave and surprisingly hopeful young woman who yearns to make a better life for herself. Rose's salvation, when it comes, is positively breathtaking.—Booklist (Starred Review)

I hope you'll join Joshilyn.

Being there for others is great karma,


Next Book: Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press

(ISBN: 9781439173176)

In bookstores June 1, 2010. Order it

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in
bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money
and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled
observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly
entertaining reading."

, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl

Order your copy from:

It’s Official: My novel, SECRET LIVES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES, Is In Bookstores Now

Secret Lives200 My book hits bookshelves today! It's being published by Simon &
Schuster. I'm thrilled, as you can imagine.

What's the story? I explore the perceptions and deceptions affecting two

Harpers, Lyssa and Ted, are socially entrenched in the tony Silicon Valley town
of Paradise Heights, California, unlike DeeDee and Harry Wilder, who
are admired by all, but politely aloof to their neighbors. Then word
gets out that DeeDee has walked out on Harry and their two children.
Gossip runs rampant through the Heights. Was DeeDee having an affair? Is
it true that Harry is fighting her for everything—even the dog?

Lyssa's friends gossip about the neighbors while ignoring their own
problems: infertility, infidelity, and eating disorders. The truth is,
if the community's “perfect couple,” Harry and DeeDee,  can call it
quits, what does that mean for everyone else?

At least one of the rumors is true: to hold on to his children and his
home, Harry, once a workaholic, realigns his life and becomes a
stay-at-home dad. Touched by his efforts at trial-by-error single
parenting, Lyssa befriends him, never realizing the effect their
relationship will have on her close-knit circle of friends—or its
explosive impact on her own marriage.

Just another fun day in suburbia, right?

You know, writing a book is a lot like birthing a baby. The moment you
realize it's actually going to happen, you fall into a euphoric trance.

Sheer bliss. And nothing can take that away from you…

Except the worry that perhaps something bad will befall it while it's
incubating. For an author, that can be anything from the “I'm not
worthy!” to “Will it find an audience?” to “What do I have to say that is compelling enough to hold someone's attention for 300+ pages?”

When this happens, those deep breathing exercises we learn in Lamaze
classes certainly come in handy.

Well, I'm happy to report that I'm feeling no qualms whatsoever. (Liar,
Liar, pants on fire..)

No, seriously, I mean that. I've been through the birthing experience,
four times: two that were the human kind (Austin and Anna), and another
two that were the novel kind (and Impossibly
and True Hollywood

During that first trimester, reality sets in. There is so much
preparation before the blessed event: outlining a compelling plot;
creating characters that are real–to you, and hopefully future
readers; making sure the dialogue coming out of their mouths is
something someone would actually say–and that others would respond to.
Is it any wonder you feel nauseous?

By the middle trimester, you're in your groove: pages are flowing,
you're heavy with chapter, edits are coming back, but nothing that you
feel throws the plot baby out with the bath water. (Some analogy, huh?)
In fact, you fall into a complacent routine where everything seems

 But by it's delivery date – in this case, TODAY, June 1, 2010 – you are
more than ready to share you bundle of joy with the rest of the world.

Will this book be The Second Coming? I would never presume as much.
(Besides, in the book universe, Harry Potter has already claimed that
title.) Wise parents know that the most they can hope for their
offspring is a long and fruitful life.

And of course, you envision a success future. (Those of us who had
reserved our children's places in their preschools even before they were born know what I mean).

So that my new baby lives a long and healthy life, I'm going to go on
the theory that it takes a village to birth a book. That said, if you're
looking for a great beach read, I think this fits the bill.

Feel free to read this excerpt here on my website. In fact, I'm
running a contest in conjunction with it: just answer the question
correctly, and  I'll put your name in the hat for a shot at a $200 gift
card from Target. The drawing takes place on Thursday, June 10, 2010,
while I'm in Milwaukee, at Boswell Books. If you're based in Milwaukee,
I'd love to meet you there.

Thank you again, dear friends, great fans and new readers, for all your support!



Advance Praise for SECRET


 “Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the
bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money
and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled
observer whose clever dialogue and feisty style make for truly
entertaining reading.” —Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl

 “I loved this juicy-as-it-it-is-heartfelt novel about love, marriage,
friendship–and sharp, manicured claws. Could not put it down!”—Melissa
Senate, author of  The Secret of Joy

 “Poignant and funny! Josie Brown's protagonist is strong, resilient,
and unflinchingly honest: she has all the skills she needs to navigate
the ‘mean streets' of the gated community of Paradise Heights. A great
read!” —Wendy Wax, author Magnolia

 “Brown proves that a story with suburban bodies can be just as
suspenseful as one with dead bodies! Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives
is a probing, entertaining fishbowl of married life in a well-heeled,
wayward neighborhood.  Loved it!”  —Stephanie Bond, author of Body Movers

 “I loved it! Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust and
marriage with heartwrenching  pathos. I'm recommending it to all my
friends as the perfect beach read!” —Lisa Rinna, actress, and author of
the novel, Starlit, and the
personal growth book, Rinnavation
Josie talks about the book here: