Hugh Hefner and Marriage

Hugh-Hefner-Engaged-to-Crystal-Harris You've got to hand it to Playboy founder/editor-in-chief Hugh Hefner: he makes great headlines.

From that standpoint, it pays to have a journalistic background.

No doubt about it: his third marriage — at eighty-four, to twenty-four year-old Playmate Crystal Harris — is hot news.

Sadly, for all the wrong reasons.

Don't get me wrong. Pesonally, I'm all for marriage. I just feel that the best reasons to tie the knot are emotional ones, like love and commitment, as opposed to upping your Twitter followers, website stats, or magazine circulation.

I guess Crystal is getting something out of it, too — that is, if they are still a legal couple by the time Hef's will is being read. I hate to be so blunt about it, but come on already: if she isn't a gold digger (or as Twitter account @BestWorstAdvice puts it, grave digger), then she's got one helluva daddy complex.

Make that Grandpa complex. If that isn't a cry for help, then I don't know what is.

The absolute best line on Twitter:

@pattonoswalt: Hope when I turn 60 I can think, quietly, "My wife is being born somewhere." #hefner

The most ironic thing I've heard about it came from The Son, who said: "He's eighty-four, and he's been married only three times? Well, I guess that's something."

Interesting perspective. Just goes to show that there's an upside to everything, even this relationship.

Running the original lad mag, there's no doubt that The Hef has certainly slept with enough beautiful women. And certainly progeny isn't an issue, what with golden daughter, Christie, and son David (from first wife, Mildred), and spares Marston and Cooper (from second wife, Kimberley).

So, is it true love? Nah. It's strictly a numbers game.

If you want in on it, here's a heads-up: The New York Stock Exchange symbols for Playboy Enterprises are PLA and PLAA.

Short-term gain, all the way around,

–Josie

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Marge Simpson Is the November 2009 Playboy Cover

MargeSimpsonInPlayboy Well, now we'll find out if her hair is really blue.

Or if she sports a tramp stamp.

When my husband showed me this photo of the November 2009 Playboy cover with Marge Simpson on the cover, I thought that Hugh Hefner had finally lost his marbles.

Look, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that female cartoon characters aren't sexy. But come on: MARGE SIMPSON?

Why not, say, Catwoman, or Lara Croft, or that retro-tart, Wonder Woman?

Even my namesake and personal favorite, Josie and the Pussycats, would have been a better choice.

Or to paraphrase Jessica Rabbit: Marge Simpson isn't bad; she's just not drawn that way.

My disbelief has nothing to do with the fact that she's a mother, either. Both Demi Moore and Lisa Rinna proved that posing on a Playboy cover at the peak of motherhood has its allure. (I guess breasts are breasts, right? Talk about an Oedipus complex…)

The cover is being billed as a collectors edition. I guess Playboy's way of bumping sales is by appealing to those who may not normally buy the magazine: Simpsons fans who don't live in their parents' basements.

Because I'm guessing their typical reader isn't necessarily a Simpsons fan (although I'm ready to lay odds that he still lives with Mom and Dad).

I'm guessing Home doesn't mind. I mean, really, how many men can claim The Hef called with an offer to put his wife on the cover of Playboy?

Truth be told, most guys don't buy Playboy for the articles. If this issue sells out, it will validate what I've thought all along:

They buy it for the cartoon.

Move over, Little Anne Fannie, you've got competition,

—Josie


SecretLivesfaux

Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives
Simon & Schuster/Pocket

Look for it in bookstores
September 2010

The PLAYBOY EMPIRE, Without Hefner (Christie, That Is): Can It Survive?

Playboy_Bunny

I'm always in awe of women who can make it in a man's world.

I've been particularly proud of how well Christie Hefner was able to run her father's magazine  — not to mention expand it both as a video and online brand — and still prove to be the consummate liberated woman. This article, in the New York Times, is a slight but insightful profile as to how one woman stepped out from behind the shadow cast by her father.

Now here's the big question: now that she's retired, what will happen to the Hefner empire?

My guess is a brand buy-out.

Good management starts from the top and works its way down — but unfortunately for him, Hugh likes to stay horizontal.

Ah, well.

Your comments welcomed…

Sometimes bunnies aren't so funny,

—Josie


SecretLivesfaux

Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

from Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press,
September 2010