Hugh Hefner and Marriage

Hugh-Hefner-Engaged-to-Crystal-Harris You've got to hand it to Playboy founder/editor-in-chief Hugh Hefner: he makes great headlines.

From that standpoint, it pays to have a journalistic background.

No doubt about it: his third marriage — at eighty-four, to twenty-four year-old Playmate Crystal Harris — is hot news.

Sadly, for all the wrong reasons.

Don't get me wrong. Pesonally, I'm all for marriage. I just feel that the best reasons to tie the knot are emotional ones, like love and commitment, as opposed to upping your Twitter followers, website stats, or magazine circulation.

I guess Crystal is getting something out of it, too — that is, if they are still a legal couple by the time Hef's will is being read. I hate to be so blunt about it, but come on already: if she isn't a gold digger (or as Twitter account @BestWorstAdvice puts it, grave digger), then she's got one helluva daddy complex.

Make that Grandpa complex. If that isn't a cry for help, then I don't know what is.

The absolute best line on Twitter:

@pattonoswalt: Hope when I turn 60 I can think, quietly, "My wife is being born somewhere." #hefner

The most ironic thing I've heard about it came from The Son, who said: "He's eighty-four, and he's been married only three times? Well, I guess that's something."

Interesting perspective. Just goes to show that there's an upside to everything, even this relationship.

Running the original lad mag, there's no doubt that The Hef has certainly slept with enough beautiful women. And certainly progeny isn't an issue, what with golden daughter, Christie, and son David (from first wife, Mildred), and spares Marston and Cooper (from second wife, Kimberley).

So, is it true love? Nah. It's strictly a numbers game.

If you want in on it, here's a heads-up: The New York Stock Exchange symbols for Playboy Enterprises are PLA and PLAA.

Short-term gain, all the way around,

–Josie

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Fitting into Your Trophy Jeans: More Orgasmic than Sex

VictoriasSecretWhiteJeans Yeah, okay, I'll admit it: I own a pair of "trophy jeans."

Or two.

One is a Playboy brand: It was when I was at my skinniest, eons (prior to birth of second child) ago.

The other was purchased a couple of years ago. I wanted a pair of tight white jeans for summer, just to say I had them.

That didn't mean I fit in them.

But I do, sort of: if that little pouf of tummy fat over the waistline doesn't count.

Or the fact that my arse looks like two pounds of salami in a one-pound bag.

Gives new meaning to the term "tighty whitey", doesn't it?

Still, I can zip up, so bugger off. And there's not a bit of Spandex in them, just 100% cotton.

Can you say the same, about any pair of jeans you own?

Ha. Thought not. So there.

According to the release below, I'm not the only woman who finds wearing her trophy jeans orgasmic . . .

I mean, for all the RIGHT reasons.

Squeezin' is pleasin' (ouchouchouch),

Josie



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Women find fitting into old pair of jeans better than sex

A
rather bizarre study reveals that women may derive a more pleasurable feeling
by slipping into a pair of old jeans than indulging in a sexual intercourse.

A
poll of 2200 British women carried out by serial brand Special K revealed that
slimming down and fitting into an old pair of jeans again
may be a woman’s ultimate fantasy. 


Findings of the survey revealed that more than a quarter (35
percent) of women confessed to owning a pair of ‘trophy’ jeans they used to
wear, kept in a hope to fit in again.

On
an average, the participants owned at least five pairs of jeans. Nearly 10
percent of the women even claimed that their jeans outlived their longest
relationship regardless of whether it fits them or not.

When
asked on how they would feel to fit into old jeans, 29.1 percent of women
averred that it would feel better than sex, 28.9 per cent said it would beat a
promotion, 20.6 percent thought it would top a best friend's
wedding.

Furthermore,
20.3 percent said it would feel better than a lottery win, and 11.1 percent
thought it would beat a
marriage proposal.

Woman’s fantasies
The poll also revealed that nearly 30 percent of women fantasized more about
slimming back into their ''trophy'' jeans than daydreaming about the Hollywood
heartthrobs such as George Clooney or Brad Pitt.

Laura
Bryant, from Special K, said, ''Women hold a deep attachment to that one pair
of jeans which they know they look and feel great in. They use them as a
benchmark and a great motivational tool when slimming and it doesn't matter how
old the pair is.

"This
research shows the sense of euphoria and the endorphin rush women get when they
achieve their goal of fitting back into that one special pair of jeans is even
better or on a par with some of the other great pleasures in life."


Marge Simpson Is the November 2009 Playboy Cover

MargeSimpsonInPlayboy Well, now we'll find out if her hair is really blue.

Or if she sports a tramp stamp.

When my husband showed me this photo of the November 2009 Playboy cover with Marge Simpson on the cover, I thought that Hugh Hefner had finally lost his marbles.

Look, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that female cartoon characters aren't sexy. But come on: MARGE SIMPSON?

Why not, say, Catwoman, or Lara Croft, or that retro-tart, Wonder Woman?

Even my namesake and personal favorite, Josie and the Pussycats, would have been a better choice.

Or to paraphrase Jessica Rabbit: Marge Simpson isn't bad; she's just not drawn that way.

My disbelief has nothing to do with the fact that she's a mother, either. Both Demi Moore and Lisa Rinna proved that posing on a Playboy cover at the peak of motherhood has its allure. (I guess breasts are breasts, right? Talk about an Oedipus complex…)

The cover is being billed as a collectors edition. I guess Playboy's way of bumping sales is by appealing to those who may not normally buy the magazine: Simpsons fans who don't live in their parents' basements.

Because I'm guessing their typical reader isn't necessarily a Simpsons fan (although I'm ready to lay odds that he still lives with Mom and Dad).

I'm guessing Home doesn't mind. I mean, really, how many men can claim The Hef called with an offer to put his wife on the cover of Playboy?

Truth be told, most guys don't buy Playboy for the articles. If this issue sells out, it will validate what I've thought all along:

They buy it for the cartoon.

Move over, Little Anne Fannie, you've got competition,

—Josie


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Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives
Simon & Schuster/Pocket

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September 2010

The PLAYBOY EMPIRE, Without Hefner (Christie, That Is): Can It Survive?

Playboy_Bunny

I'm always in awe of women who can make it in a man's world.

I've been particularly proud of how well Christie Hefner was able to run her father's magazine  — not to mention expand it both as a video and online brand — and still prove to be the consummate liberated woman. This article, in the New York Times, is a slight but insightful profile as to how one woman stepped out from behind the shadow cast by her father.

Now here's the big question: now that she's retired, what will happen to the Hefner empire?

My guess is a brand buy-out.

Good management starts from the top and works its way down — but unfortunately for him, Hugh likes to stay horizontal.

Ah, well.

Your comments welcomed…

Sometimes bunnies aren't so funny,

—Josie


SecretLivesfaux

Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

from Simon & Schuster/Downtown Press,
September 2010