TOTLANDIA SERIES – THE ONESIES (BOOKS 1-4)
Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal. Welcome to Totlandia.
IN BOOK 1 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
The Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club is the most exclusive children's playgroup in all of San Francisco. For the city's ultra-competitive elite, the club's ten annual spots are the ultimate parenting prize.But not everyone is PHM&TC material. The club's founder, Bettina Connaught Cross, adheres to strict membership rules: Moms only. No single parents or working mothers allowed. Membership is an arduous commitment. And there's no room in the club for scandal, bad behavior, or imperfection from the tots or their moms. In a world of power and prestige, no one has more than Bettina. And as every mom in Pacific Heights knows, you simply cannot cross her. But this year's admissions process is more rigorous than ever, pitting prospective members against each other to prove their mettle.
But four of the six candidates vying for the remaining four slots have a secret that would knock them out of the running. Jade is a former stripper and porn actress, who has been absent for most of her son's life. Jillian's husband cleaned out their joint accounts and left her for his pregnant assistant. Ally never even had a husband–just a sperm donor–and she's hiding a high-ranking corporate job. And Lorna fears that her son may have special needs… just the excuse her sister-in-law, Bettina, needs to deny her entry to the club. Can these hopeful moms keep up appearances long enough to outlast the competition? Or will their chances–and their private lives–go up in flames?
eBook: 9780989558891 / $2.99 US
Trade Paperback: 9781942052364 / $14.99 US
IN BOOK 2 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
Five mommies are just one misstep away from entry into the elite Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club. Everyone has a scandalous secret to hide, but who will be the next to fall? As the club's founder, Bettina, ratchets up the stress level with a series of holiday-themed challenges, the cracks begin to show. Jade's past catches up to her in the most unlikely of settings. Jillian's struggles to make ends meet are complicated by Bettina's demands. Ally's work and home lives collide, threatening to expose all of her secrets. And Lorna's already fraying family ties are torn to shreds by a series of devastating events. With just four spots remaining, will the five remaining ladies turn cutthroat? Or will their newfound friendships be strong enough to help them band together?
eBook: 9781942052005 / $2.99 US
IN BOOK 3 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
Spring comes in like a lamb as the exclusive Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club welcomes its newest members. But that tranquility belies a storm brewing, as new tensions and old rivalries come to a head. The surviving moms are ready to reap the rewards of membership, but none of them counted on club founder, Bettina Connaught Cross, needing a pick-me-up from a bitter betrayal. While lesser women might cry into their pillows, Bettina finds comfort in exerting control over her domain. With Bettina on a rampage, the new Onesies are trying to stay out of sight long enough to deal with their own issues: Lorna wants to tell her family about Dante's autism, but keeping it on her own terms could be difficult when her hippie mom and socialite mother-in-law meet for the first time. Jillian fights to regain her financial footing and confront her own insecurities, finding comfort in an unexpected place. And Ally can't bear the thought of hurting Jade, so she continues to bury her feelings for Brady. But when another desperate housewife stirs the mix, Jade could become a pawn in an even more devious game. It's no ordinary spring in Totlandia, as emotions build to a fury and end with a roar.
eBook: 9781942052753 / $2.99 US
IN BOOK 4 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
As summer sizzles in Totlandia, emotions boil over for the newest members of Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club, whose trust in each other is sorely tempted by Bettina and her club politics. When Jillian's vindictive joke backfires, she learns the true meaning of forgiveness. Jade's betrayal puts her in a dangerous downward spiral with no bottom in sight–until she finds friendship and redemption where she least expects it. Lorna faces the biggest trial in her marriage, and makes an important decision that may end it for good. While Ally may regret the choices made she to get accepted in the club, her exile puts new opportunities in her path, thanks to Brady and his ceaseless desire to win her over–with Barry's help, who is playing his own little game with Bettina. But it's Bettina who suffers the ultimate punishment–one that changes her life, and the livelihood of the club, forever.
Four weddings. Three babies. Two funerals. One heck of a Twosies year. Welcome back to Totlandia.
IN BOOK 5 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
When Bettina Cross is faced with having to share the leadership of her beloved Pacific Heights Moms and Tots Club with her sister-in-law, Lorna Connaught, she plays dirty–only to discover that her actions have aligned her two true enemies: Kimberley Savitch, and Kelly Overton. Bettina's problems are compounded when Daniel Warwick, a Department of Justice prosecutor, wants to use her as bait to trap her soon-to-be ex, Art, into coming home and answering to long list of fraud charges. The fact that Art has scammed most of San Francisco's wealthiest families has Bettina fighting desperately to preserve her most priceless possession: her social standing. When Brady lines up venture capital funding for Life of Pie, Ally must tamp down his gung-ho power ranger tendencies, while at the same time shore up Jillian's insecurities that her pies won't live up to Brady's promises. And now that the once homeless Reggie is teaching the complete works of Shakespeare to UC Berkeley undergrads, Jade struggles with her fear that she's competing for his affections with his younger, more beautiful students. Finally, an unexpected tragedy puts Jillian in the middle of her ex's life again–with consequences that will affect her future and those of her twins–forever. The leaves are falling, and there's a bitter chill in the air–but Mother Nature has nothing to do with it. Blame it on human nature–in this case, Pacific Heights parents behaving badly.
eBook: 9781942052685 / $2.99
IN BOOK 6 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
Winter’s chill isn’t just in the air. It also runs through the veins of all the women in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club…
IN BOOK 7 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
For the women of Totlandia, spring brings new life and emotional renewal:
A big question for Bettina is whether she'll succumb to an easy fix for her problems, or will she embrace the challenge that may lead to the financial and emotional freedom she craves…
At the same time, Bettina's mysterious disappearances are adding to Lorna's anxieties to keep the club on an even keel up until she delivers her twins. Little does she know that a cruel trick by the power-hungry Kelly will curdle Lorna's relationship with her mother-in-law, Eleanor;
Jillian is fighting her former mother-in-law for custody of her deceased ex-husband's infant child. The good news: Caleb has taken to his new role as über-dad with gusto. The bad news: it’s causing trouble in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club;
As for Jade, she is given an opportunity of a lifetime to prove herself: both as an academic researcher, and as the perfect partner for her fiánce, Reggie. But will his assistant Samantha's attentions come between them?
And Brady's quest to reunite Ally with her father may be the one thing that will tear their relationship apart;
Last but not least: Top Moms are in full revolt. They know that their only hope of getting out from under Bettina’s thumb is to secure their secrets-filled files hidden deep within a sculpture to be auctioned off with the rest of her possessions. Let the bidding begin!
The final book of the series is filled with surprising conclusions for the Pacific Heights parents you’ve come to love—and the one you love to hate:
Stress from the club and motherhood puts Lorna into a tailspin that threatens life. Will Matthew make the right choice for her and their children?
Jade’s past puts her career and her marriage to Reggie in jeopardy;
In the hope of salvaging her friendship with Jillian, Ally makes a decision that will affect their lives forever. But can it also save her relationship with Brady?
And finally: when Art’s funeral fails to end Bettina’s personal purgatory in San Francisco’s social circles, her newfound success puts her back on top—but at a high price: the love and acceptance of those she loves most.
Welcome to Totlandia's summer of love, lust, temptation, and redemption.
REVIEWS FOR THE TOTLANDIA SERIES
“I love a good mommy sendup as much as the next gal, and this peek into the ridiculousness of the San Francisco uppercrust is delightful. Whether or not you've ever had the pleasure (or pain) of joining a playgroup, Brown's tale is as charming as it is cringeworthy. I laughed, I winced, I kept scrolling.” —Romantic Times
“With affairs, pending divorces, secret jobs and unsavory pasts, each wannabe member hides something that could blow her chances for good.Like the characters in reality shows such as “Dance Moms,” the women in Pacific Heights might be over-the-top, but in the end the best interests of their kids are (almost) always at heart. Laugh-out-loud funny and sometimes touching, the “Totlandia” novellas serve as the perfect quick read for busy moms or anyone looking to escape with some gossipy fun.” —Examiner.com
“Josie Brown writes Totlandia with her usual storytelling flair. The dialogue is smooth and flowing. The characters are easy to side with or become angry with, depending on each situation. The scenery is easy to visualize. And we mustn't forget all the sex (blushworthy, at that) and scandal that is a staple of a true Josie Brown novel. Totlandia: The Onesies (book one) kept me entertained and on my toes the entire time. It showed that there are mothers who are human and sometimes screw up even with the best intentions at hand. It's like a soap opera for mommies. Guilty pleasure, anyone?!? I look forward to reading book two next and will share my thoughts on that one, as well!”—Melissa Amster, ChickLitCentral.com
“This book is wonderfully written and has more than just drama. There are touching moments, parts that made me laugh out loud, and as I read the story I felt like I was reading a television show!”—Divine Secrets of a Domestic Goddess
“The storyline was so easy to get caught up in. Right away, Josie Brown hooks readers and she doesn’t let go til the last page. I got so involved in each character’s story and was right alongside them cheering for them and feeling all the emotions alongside them. Totlandia is told is a lot of different point of views which was really neat, but my one complaint would be that at times it got a bit confusing. I also found some of the characters stories to be a bit naggy almost at times. Of the families, my favorite was Oliver and Jade – their story was just so much fun to read.Totlandia by Josie Brown was just a real joy to read. I loved the variety of characters, the balance of funny and serious moments, and just the wacky story. I cannot wait to see what is next in the series!” —The Book CellarX
“I adored this quick read and can't wait to get further into the lives of these women. There are some really sweet moments mixed in with the catty wonderfulness that Brown always seems to capture.” —Mary Jacobs, Bookhounds Reviews
“I must say, right from the first page Totlandia made me laugh at some of the predicaments that mother’s are placed in when they are dealing with a one-year-old. As a mother of three, I could empathize with Lorna as she chased a diaper through the park, and was forced to haggle with a spoiled four-year-old. And on the other hand, I shed a few tears as Jillian’s world falls apart around her, and she can barely hold the pieces together for her daughters. The author did an amazing job at giving each character a distinct voice and their own trials throughout the book. I don’t think I would ever want to join a playgroup so badly that I would force myself to give in to the demands that membership in the PHM&T club requires, but the author makes each characters reasoning completely understandable and believable. I found myself cheering them on and hoping they make the cut, even though part of my mind was thinking how ridiculous it all was. But really, friendship and support for mother’s is a key part of keeping sane when you have little ones to take care of. I know from experience. I look forward to being able to continue with the drama that is the PHM&T club.” —Simply Stacie
“Brown did it again! She wrote a book that is both hysterical and original. She gets at the heart of motherhood and all its glory and shame! Brown loves to develop numerous characters and you sure to connect with one, if not all in some way. She makes you think, with whimsy and fun. I absolutely adore her writing and I cannot wait to drive into Book Two of this series!” —Mommy Book Nerd
“Totlandia is highly addictive. The fabulous cover is a head-turner, but the storyline itself is what keeps me flipping the pages long into the night. The unique story of each woman speaks to a little part inside all of us. And the high-stakes war of entry into this exclusive club reminds us that the competitive nature of high school cliques is never far behind. I loved Totlandia.“ —Syrah, ChickLitAndWine.com
“This feels very much like Gossip Girl repackaged for young mothers. Will this novel change your life? Absolutely not. Will you learn something deep and profound about the human condition or about yourself? No. Will you pass a few hours in the problems of someone else, someone with much more glamorous problems than your own? Yes. If you dig chick lit with lots of fashion, back stabbing and a little sex. I almost hate to admit it, but I can’t wait for the next in the series.” —LuxuryReading.com
“The way they go about hiding their secrets from the group, plus the way that the other members of the group protect one another will break your heart one moment and have you giggling to yourself the next..You’ll find yourself warming to these women soon after meeting them and rooting for them, whether or not that means they make it into the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club!” —PlaydateCrashers.com
“Brown takes baby mania to its illogical, hysterical extreme in this bubbly romp. But what begins as a light foray into Bugaboo country turns into something bigger than a satire of status-obsessed Bay Area yummy mummies as Brown takes a dark look at the fears of parenthood and family, with Katie's heartbreaking longing for a child unveiling a disturbing reality about her marriage and family. Still, the message from the somber realities is one full of hope: love makes a family, commitment keeps it together.” —Publishers Weekly
“Fans of Desperate Housewives will enjoy this story. The examination of neighborhood politics and shallowness of the affluent is insightful and entertaining.” —Romantic Times
“I loved it! Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust, and marriage with heartbreaking pathos. I'm recommending it to all my friends as the perfect beach read!” —Lisa Rinna, actress/author of Starlit
“Josie Brown's writing is whip-smart as well as wickedly funny, and just as you are enjoying the ride she takes you on, she shatters your heart with her insight into modern lives.” —Tatjana Soli, New York Times bestselling author and 2011 recipient of the James Tait Black Memorial Prize for The Lotus Eaters
“Already touted as the perfect summer beach read, this character driven (sometimes steamy) book can best be described as the offspring of an affair between Desperate Housewives and a Jennifer Weiner novel….A quick look into the sometimes catty world of wealth where priorities get shifted, friendships get broken and marriages, like their mansions, get rearranged. It was light and fluffy (with some excellent dialogue).” —GoodHousekeeping.com